This article was been declared by the authors from CIS Productions to be no longer canon to their stories once its original idea was discarded to welcome more developed and planned ideas. However, to preserve old ideas for research or personal purposes, this article will be kept in the wiki.
Spoiler Alert: This article/section contains details about future plotlines of LOTM: Sword of Kings described. Do not proceed unless you want to be spoiled.
"I'M ONLY 13-YEARS OLD!" Is she?
With its lovably quirky, eccentric and pleasantly over-the-top nature, LOTM: Sword of Kings always had a nice feature of making things funny in otherwise serious moments, without ever detracting from the actual situation or alienating fans from the overall mood of a scene. As a very nice bonus its characters are very easy to make fun of, which the author and producers themselves take every advantage from.
In a universe filled with snarking superheroes, unfazed spies, deadpan vigilantes, and some just plain weird aliens, a work set in the In-Universe will make you laugh despite the story takes place in a Crapsack World filled with war, death, misery and despair. As such, you can find a joke almost each 5 lines, with some being light-hearted, black jokes, sexual comedy and at very best the characters messing around with their own allies and friends.
(The very first scene of the story was an odd introduction of Katarina's character by some thus who tried to rape one of her classmates!)
- Delinquent 1: I r-remembered!
(The delinquent 1 lifted frightened with his body completely bloody...)
- Delinquent 1: She is the Shinigami! The Shinigami that can't be stopped! The strongest of Tenguu City! The Red Haired Monster that at night leave broken bones of criminals on the streets! The Red Haired Demon!...
(Katarina's eyes glowed in the dark while her face was covered in shadow.)
- Delinquent Group: Ihhh!
- Delinquent 3: Run! She is a monster!!
(The three delinquents left running holding their broken arms while moaning with fear and pain.)
- Katarina: Wha--
(An angry vein appeared on the forehead of Katarina.)
- Katarina: This is not my damn name!!!! Come back here!!!
(It not so long for Katarina to act as a true "HEROINE")
- Katarina: Your clothes are all torn. I'll lend you my uniform.
(Katarina starts to take off her uniform.)
- Tadokoro: WAIT! You will get half-naked!
- Katarina: Anh? What is the problem?
- Tadokoro: You don't have sense of shame?!
(And then...)
- Katarina: Hahahahahaha! I ended up going to the school only with my bra and panties.
(Katarina said as she walked down the street. Katarina was being watched by dozens of people with astonished and surprised faces.)
- Tadokoro: This is embarrassing...
(When Katarina is late to her class but the teacher is so used to it that he doesn't even care anymore!)
- Katarina: Wait! I have an explanation this time!
- Phoenix: No more excuses! *sigh* Never mind. Take your sit...
- Katarina: Ahn? Why?
- Phoenix: You are in my class since from the first year. You arrive late in my classes every day for three years! This happened so often that I become used to it. You always end up fighting with someone when you coming to the school. So who you fought this time?
- Katarina: I fought with nice guys that tried to rape my kouhai.
- Everyone: "Nice guys"?!
Episode 2 - La Folia's Rage[]
(Katarina is welcomed by Ahiru in the morning and La Folia starts to fight with him to state she is the only one who can grab Katarina's breasts)
- Ahiru: Good morning!
(Ahiru said as she grabbed Katarina's breasts)
- Katarina: Good M-morning, Ahiru. I see your stupid hobby still alive...
- Ahiru: Hmmmm. I see. "They" grew up again!
(La Folia get Ahiru by her uniform and put her away from Katarina.)
- La Folia: Ahiru. I said many times to stop doing this!
- Ahiru: I just can't!
- La Folia: I know this feeling... I CAN'T STOP TOO!
- Ahiru: You selfish! You just want "them" to yourself!
- Katarina: What you guys talking about?.... Street fight!?
- Ahiru and La Folia: NO!
(When La Folia sarcastically mocks Misogi for pointing a gun at her head)
- Eckidina: Hello there, La Folia-chan!
- La Folia: Stop calling me with "-chan". I don't want to hear it from you.
- Eckidina: I see you still arrogant. Well! I don't my mind.
- La Folia: And you still the same murderous bitch ever. How the hell someone like you is doing in our school? Someone like you should be in striptease club or in a prostitute party.
- Misogi: You bitch!!!
(Misogi screamed as he pulled a gun from his pocket and pointed it at La Folia's head.)
- La Folia: Oia, the boy has some "balls" there.
- Eckidina: Oh, c'mon Misogi. Put this gun down. I love La Folia like she is. Besides, if we kill her here, we're going to have problems later.
(Hours later, Katarina is seen playing cards alone in her house wearing a pajamas while waiting for La Folia to return from Eckidina's building)
"Ummm.... She is late..."
Episode 3 - Suicide[]
(Katarina, Ray Ray Lee and Pacifica Northwest entered in their classroom and saw the entire class fighting)
- Archie & Atlante: How many I said Galaxina is mine!
- Jake Long: You two stop fighting! Jesus!
- Kevin: Oh, look! The virgin boy trying to act like a "man".
- Momoka: You're not an exception too. Being a virgin is better than being a horn being "gored" by your girlfriends.
("gored" is the term given when someone is betrayed by his (or her) girlfriend or boyfriend).
- Katarina: This class looks energetic as ever.
(The reaction of Tamae Okamine after Kurumi Tokisaki introduced herself to the class)
- Kurumi: My name is Kurumi Tokisaki.
(The whole class shouted in happiness knowing that there would be another beautiful girl in the class. However... )
- Kurumi: I'm a Spirit.
- Tamae: Eh...eheh... How......great! That was quite an introduction with impact there! Well then Tokisaki, would you please sit in that empty seat over there?
Episode 4 - Meeting New Friends[]
(The reaction of Eugen entering in Katarina's house is kind cute but her interaction with La Folia is hilarious!)
- Eugen: Ohh, so this is Onne-sama's current home!
(Reaching the door of the La Folia's residence with much difficulty, the girl moved her hair that was slightly shorter than a ponytail, happily saying words that sounds polite and yet not conforming to keigo. In the way of her home, the girl said to be named as Eugen Couteau.)
(At La Folia's house, Eugen faced La Folia in timidity)
- Eugen: R-Ravi de v-vous rencontrer, La Folia-sama! (Nice to meet you, Miss. La Folia!).
- La Folia: Why in the world she is speaking in French and Japanese at the same time...?
(And then comes her little sister instinct and results in one of the most classical moments of the entire storyline!)
- Eugen: That's goes without saying! Because I'm her sister! But Onne-sama. Eugen really has to hand it to you.
- Katarina: Ha? About what?
- Eugen: Of course! Rentaro, the advisor from your class. That's not right, that, is, why are you still mixing around with other females......
(Eugen looked at La Folia and cleared her throat, blushing furiously while speaking)
- Katarina: Ha - Haa?
- Eugen: Is there anything wrong?
- Katarina: There's too many points to tsukkomi on! The first one was what was it? Do you know Rentaro?
- Eugen: Nn, well. Is that strange?
(At the same time Eugen spoke, she looked as if she was trying to find an excuse as her eyes looked around. Although she was very concerned about how the two of them knew each other, there was another issue that took priority. At some point, Eugen called La Folia as "sister-in-law".)
- La Folia: And then...... What's with calling me sister-in-law?
- Eugen: No, it's not like I don't have any reservations with that way of calling, but its to make preparations for the future...
- La Folia: There's no such plans for that!?
- Eugen: Is, is that so?
- Eugen: But Onne-sama is a suspect for two-timing......
- Katarina: Two-timing. What's that?
- Eugen: I'll be direct. You are La Folia, right. Are you currently going out with Onne-sama?
- La Folia: Wha......!
(Katarina made a such innocent confusion face as she tried to understand Eugen's question. Of course, Katarina is so innocent that she doesn't know anything about love. La Folia cut in between the two with an extremely red face)
- La Folia: Wh-what are you saying!! How could that be possible!!
- Eugen: I know it! Onne-sama is dating a girl and man at the same time! Onee-sama actually did such a female gigolo-like act! That's too heartbreaking! Reform! You must be corrected!
- Katarina: La Folia, what is a female gigolo?
- La Folia: AH! WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS!
Episode 5 - The Animal Killers[]
(The sexual interaction between Misogi and Aki Honda that let Tomoo jealous)
(Misogi looked at the outside of the deposit and saw 9 man dead on the ground, and answered his question.)
- Misogi: Your friends were smoking meth here in front of the door and they did not let me in. So I sent them to Valhalla.
- Aki: You're letting me wet, honey!
- Tomoo: *humpf*
(Tomoo was quite jealous of her words)
- Misogi: Don't do this. This is disgusting. I only love my lover Eckidina.
- Aki: Muu... Tks! That unfortunate...
(The little fight between Katarina and Imperia on their way school)
- La Folia: How many times have I told you to stop eating 3 breads in the breakfast! You will get fat!
- Katarina: I unaware of that word! Haha.
(La Folia looked at the breasts of Katarina and saw them were quite large. Her face blushed a little and at that time she thought that all those fats were going to her breasts. Katarina was the most gluttonous person La Folia ever met but she never won a kilo.)
- La Folia: Damn those "two".
- Katarina: Hmm? Said something?
- La Folia: Nothing!
- Katarina: Why are you angry!?
- La Folia: I am not!
- Katarina: Yes you are!
- La Folia: No! I'm not.
(The comic and funny lesbian dream of La Folia)
(La Folia was sleeping and had a bad dream... a very comic one...)
- La Folia: Katarina! Why?! I tought you loved me!
- Katarina: I'm sorry, La Folia. But I can't stay in this type of relationship anymore.
- La Folia: Why?! After 20 years together! Our memories! Our feelings! Our nights together! You will throw it all in the trash as if it was nothing?!
- Katarina: Don't try to seduce me again... La Folia. It's over!
- La Folia: I can't believe you breaking up with me!
- Katarina: Sorry, Folia but I'm just not gay--
- La Folia: You not gay!? After 20 years with another girl you going to say it now?!
- Katarina: --for you.
(Katarina wrapped her arms in a girl who was covered by a white light. She was... Eckidina KnightWalker!)
- (???): (La Folia La Folia La Folia!!!)
(La Folia was hearing a voice in the background. The voice sounded like an echo but she ignored that voice to see the scene about Katarina and Eckidina together)
- Eckidina: Let's get out of here, my love.
- Katarina: Yeah, honey.
- La Folia: Wait! Katarina! Don't go! Please!
- (???): (La Folia! La Folia! La Folia!)
(Katarina and Eckidina stopped walking and Katarina looked back to La Folia very slowly)
- Katarina: Goodbye, La Folia Rihavein.
- (???): (La Folia! La Folia! La Folia!)
(After that, La Folia woke up screaming in Katarina's face that was trying to wake her)
- La Folia: Katarina! How can you do this to me! You were seduced by a girl like Eckidina that is very different from me and have sexual experience unlike me! Don't tell me you'll betray me to stay with her!
- Katarina: What're you talking about?
- La Folia: Ahn? It... was... a just dream?
Episode 6 - I Don't Need it[]
(If it is funny or not... It depends on the person but the reasons for Aki Honda to kill are stupid and idiot!)
"HAHAHAHAHA!! Tomoo, don't tell me you forget who I am? I'm a Serial Killer, but a war where I can kill everyone is much better! I'm a killer: ........... I'm working at the moment; that's why I'm going to kill. I have no time to lose; that's why I'm going to kill. I'll not prevent Eckidina; that's why I'm going to kill. I hate peace; that's why I'm going to kill. I hate humans; that's why I'm going to kill. I love killing people; that's why I'm going to kill. The weather is great today; that's why I'm going to kill. The food was nice; that's why I'm going to kill. I had a dream last night; that's why I'm going to kill. I'm waiting for a movie; that's why I'm going to kill. My phone's battery is low; that's why I'm going to kill. I have no reasons to kill; that's why I'm going to kill. I'm breathing; that's why I'm going to kill!"
Episode 7 - Lest's Bring The Hell[]
(The stupid yet hilarious training of voice between Katarina and Mana took this another level)
- Katarina: Yo! La Folia!~
- La Folia: Yo, Kata!~
- Katarina: You turn, Mana.
- Mana: Yo, Kataaaa~ and La Foliaaa~
- La Folia: Kataaa~ sounds so stupid... Try with all your strength!
- Mana: YO, KATAAAAAA!!!!
(A cup of glass broken at that moment)
- Katarina: My~
- La Folia: That was too much. I'm feeling like a grenade just exploded in my ear.
- Mana: I'm so sorry!
- La Folia: It's ok. You have a very powerful voice there. Ah.. dinner is ready.
- Katarina: Yummu!
Episode 8 - Japan War[]
(The reactions of the terrorists when they saw a Black Bird from ISA about to bomb their heads)
"Ah... đi tiêu! (Ah... FUCK!)"
(Later, Cassie and Tomas are hunted down by a KnightWalker Drone in the battle of Tokyo)
- Cassie: Did you heard that?
- Tomas: Heard what? Explosions, shoots and screams everywhere? Yea, I can hear it too...
- Cassie: Shut up! I'm not talking about this.
- Tomas: Ok, ok...
- Cassie: Sounds like a... a tank?
- Tomas: No... It's not a tank... it's... They saw something big... that was...
- Tomas: A FUCKING DRONE! RUN!
- Cassie: Who the hell gave battle drones to terrorists!?
- Tomas: Who cares!?
Episode 9 - Eckidina's Insanity[]
(Since the real war began on this episode, you will rarely find a funny moment from here, yet Mana managed to give a "screw this" when the Mafusa Gang invaded her house. She is so confident they are trash that she does not bother in questioning La Folia why they are hiding)
- La Folia: Shit... too late...
- Mana: La Folia, why we are hiding?
- La Folia: You just asked "why?"
- Mana: Those guys are weak.
(Tomas and Cassie share their last kiss as the drones prepare to kill them when Lucas Kellan appear out of nowhere)
- Lucas: God dammit! I'm always late and in the right time. Good to see you alive, Tomas.
- Tomas: Lucas Kellan, you're late. Always acting like a badass hero in the last moment. Always.
- Lucas: Always. Oooooohhh...
(Lucas saw Tomas and Cassie embraced)
- Lucas: Sorry for breaking the love moment. Please don't hate me.
- Tomas & Cassie: It's not what you're thinking!
Episode 10 - World War III[]
(Tomas was so enraged with Lucas that he mocked him even on the middle of a battle where their forces were losing)
- Lucas: I was expecting few KnightWalkers!
- Tomas: Don't give up so easily; "Commander".
- Lucas: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
(Tomas' battle cry is HILARIOUS)
"LET'S GO YOU BITCHES! I FEELING LIKE I'M JESUS NOW!"
Episode 10.5 - Valentine's Day Special[]
(Rentaro's adorkable moment while he watches over Katarina and her friend Mcgree)
(As Rentaro was walking, he saw Katarina Couteau with another male student named McGee, one of her friends. Katarina and McGee were buying a Soda in a Drink Machine. When Rentaro saw Katarina, he hid behind the wall.)
(Rentaro trying to give Katarina his chocolate but ends failing)
- Rentaro: Katarina!
- Katarina: Rentaro! What do you want?
- Rentaro: T-t-this V-v-va-va-va-va....
- Katarina: Va? Va Va what?
- Rentaro: Va-va... VACUOUS-MINDED IDIOT!
(Rentaro ran away from Katarina.)
- Katarina: D-did I do something wrong?!
(Katarina making Yan bow down before her to say sorry after many questions)
- Yan: What... WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU! YOU'RE NOT HUMAN! YOU MONSTER!!
- Katarina: So... It's just what you have to say?
- Yan: P-please forgiv-ve me!
- Katarina: So... It's just what you have to say?
- Yan: I promise I'll never hurt people again!
- Katarina: So... It's just what you have to say?
- Yan: I promise I'll never try to attack Rentaro again!
- Katarina: So... It's just what you have to say?
- Yan: I'll surrender myself to police along with Ryoko and Amber!
- Katarina: So... It's just what you have to say?
- Yan: I'll spend all my life in jail! And when I leave prison I will help all people in need!
- Katarina: So... It's just what you have to say?!
- Yan: What the hell do you want me to do!!?
- Katarina: When you do something bad.... YOU HAVE TO SAY "SORRY!
"............."
- Yan: I'M SORRY!
(Katarina misunderstood Rentaro's proposal turns to be funny and a very hateful moment)
- Rentaro: One more thing... I LOVE YOU!
- Katarina: Hmm. Sorry I did not hear right but I think you said you love chocolates. Yes! I also loved your chocolate! You chocolate had Cat Face, it was so cute!
- Rentaro: *sigh* Never mind.
Episode 11 - Katarina Vs. Aki Honda[]
(The senators and politicians of USA inside of White House's chamber discussing about how to deal with KnightWalker Family and North Korea's attack to Washington)
- Tom Bucky: Because of this unprovoked, dastardly attack by the KnightWalker Alliance, I ask that the congress declare a state of War!
- GDP President: I suggest that we avoid conflict and negotiate a truce with the the KnightWalker Alliance. If we enter into a new world war, all nations would suffer in unimaginable scale!
- Second President: Yes! We should negotiate!
- Unknown Male Voice 1: The Nations Alliance are a bunch of cowards!
- Unknown Male Voice 2: The GPD are cowards!
- Unknown Male Voice 3: SHUT UP YOU GREEDY PIECE OF SHIT!
- Unknown Male Voice 4: YOU DUMBASS!
- Tom Bucky: Silence!! This is a democracy! Not a street fight!
(Misogi getting jealous because Voyage was the only one talking to Eckidina)
- Misogi: Good work, Captain Voyage. You can go back inside now.
- Voyage: Why you do not try to be a bit more useful? You're dead weight! Imbécile! (idiot in French).
- Misogi: I ALREADY DID! I tortured Juria Knightwalker, placed spies in the White House, sabotaged all communications lines in the country and launched the attack against the United States!
- Voyage: Oh yeah?
(Voyage took a few steps backwards in defeat and humiliation)
Episode 12 - Pigs of War[]
(A very dark one played with the two pilots of Eckidina's plan that were in charge of transporting the LN-666 Project to Japan. They are stopped by one of the guards when they were about to be executed.)
- Pilot: Our job is done. Let's drink a coffee -
- Co-pilot: Yeah, I'm hungry as hell.
- KnightWalker Soldier: Excuse me. Where are you going?
- Pilot: Ah... We're going to eat now.
- KnightWalker Soldier: Eat? I have to stop that.
- Pilot: Why?
- KnightWalker Soldier: Because you know too much. Eckidina gave orders to kill all of you once your job is done. Good work.
- Pilot & Co-pilot: WHAT!?
(Eckidina replying a scared officer of KnightWalker Family for losing his entire squad in Tenguu City)
"You're annoying me. Quiet down. Geez. You should watch the climax of the show quietly and with gratitude. Just because some of your pathetic platoons were annihilated, you're wailing like a girl about to lose her virginity."
(Eckidina then tries to kill the latter officer with a gun for being too annoying and for refusing her orders but misses all shots from a distance of only 3 meters)
- Eckidina: Geez, I suck at it.
- Misogi: Your aim is terrible as ever.
- Eckidina: Fufufufu.
- Misogi: How did you kill people in your office?
(The mercenary Black Mask captures Lucas and Cassie and plans to sell them to Johan Liebert only to discover no one considers him a threat)
- Black Mask: This is my lucky day, to think I would capture two rabbits in one trap.
- Lucas: Good for you.
- Black Mask: Johan Liebert will pay a good price for you Cassie. You destroyed some of his contacts too.
- Cassie: Whatever.
(Tomas and a few Chronos Empire robots tries rescue Lucas and Cassie from Black Mask's armored car using a missile to explode the vehicle, resulting in both victims being fatally injured)
- Tomas: Are you okay?
- Cassie: No.
(Days after the battle of USA, Tom Bucky is tired of working for 7 days without rest to manage the damage caused by North Korea's attack. When his Vice entered on the office, this was his reaction)
- Tom: MORE REPORTS?!
Episode 13 - The Funeral[]
(Sephiria running like a late school girl through the White House's corridors)
"I'M LATE! I'M LATE! I'M LATE!! Tom Bucky will get angry!!"
(Sephiria kicks the door of Tom's office and falls to the ground in exhaustion)
- Tom Bucky: OH! You came! Milady!
- Jasmine: Milady? Sorry, who are you? And why are you in this building?
- Tom Bucky: Jasmine! What you are doing?! That was disrespectful!
- Jasmine: Disrespectful? Why?
- Tom Bucky: Because she is...
- Sephiria: I am...
- Tom Bucky: Yes... this girl is Sephiria Arks KnightWalker, the Founder, Businesswoman, Princess and Queen of the Chronos Empire Country. She is the person who ended the World War III.
(Kyouko asking the police officer the report of the new bodies found in a river of Tenguu City)
- Kyouko: Report.
- Police Officer 2: A-Ah... It's just another dead bod---
- Kyouko: Wrong.
- Police Officer 1: Eh?
(The battle speech of Ai, Mai and Mii to the entire Raizen High School in the hopes all students can find courage to defeat their rival school in the next festival)
- Ai: [One year ago we learned many things. The meaning of a bitter experience, the humiliation of a defeat the cold feeling of the ground when made to grovel on the floor! Well then, gentlemen. This pitiful army of defeated gentlemen. I want to ask all of you. Are we still experiencing the feeling of bitterness? Are we still groveling on the ground? Are we still stuck sunk in defeat?! No! No way! Those guys have committed a grave mistake; they have given us time to sharpen out fangs of revenge! Our dearest time of fulfillment has come! Let there be glory to Raizen! Let there be honor to Raizen! With a strike with all our strength, we will bite their throats to a thousand pieces!!]
All students: OOOOHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
(And Katarina's reaction to it...)
- Katarina: La Folia, what on Earth is Ai saying? Is she trying to start a war somewhere?
(When La Folia states the most famous detective in the world, Kyouko Kirigiri, wants to talk with her after Tamae Okamine informed them)
- Katarina: Kirigiri Kyouko? You know her, La Folia?
(Katarina turned around and looked and La Folia and then...)
- Katarina: La Folia?! What's wrong?! You're pale!
- La Folia: Katarina! The person who wants to talk with you the most famous detective in the world! Kirigiri Kyouko is the Super High School Level Detective!
- Katarina: Super High Scho... What?
(When Kyouko refers Katarina with the nickname that Mafusa Gang gave to her, Red Haired Demon)
- Kyouko: Welcome. I'm glad you came, Red Haired Demon.
- Katarina: ......................
- La Folia: Hehehe...
- Kyouko: What's wrong?
- Katarina: Woaah... Even if the most famous detective in the world calls me for that name. I'm such useless person...
(When Sonia is seen seated in one of the chairs of the class, creeping out Mana)
- Katarina: Sonia! You're here too!
- Sonia: Yep!
- Kyouko: Actually... Sonia came by herself... She wanted to meet me in person.
- Sonia: Oh! I always read Kyouko's cases and I'm a huge fan! You can call me a fangirl!
- Mana (think): *This is not normal... Fangirls... Such scary race...*
When Kyouko opens her freezer and see it is full of rotten food.
- Kyouko: I should have ate some of Tenma's donuts...
(Kyouko opened the refrigerator and saw the vision of a mobile sewer)
- Kyouko: I have to clean it one day...
(Even Adam is scared with Sonia's fangirl tendencies)
- Kyouko: Sorry for calling you. I know you will lose your class today but I can tell the board of directors about you missing today. Sonia, we know your family, the Nevermind Family, is one of the richest families in the world alongside KnightWalker (Eckidina's family) and Rihavein (La Folia's family) Family and is part of Global Pact Defense but we have to ask some questions about the murder.
- Sonia: DON'T WORRY! I'M THE SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL PRINCESS!
- Kyouko: This is not a joke. I know you're following us since we entered in this building!
- Tama: Hmm. I was just curious. Actually, I want to protect you.
- Kyouko: A good-hearted bully? This is funny.
(When Tama explain the reason why she joined Eckidina's Student Council and Adam's reaction to it)
- Tama: That's not true. Well, it's true the Student Council were tyrants when Eckidina was here but since she left, they put another person in the post. We have to obey this person. However, the fact we are doing good deeds for the students does not mean that I'm going to change. I want to fell the fear of the students, I want to be feared. When they show that expression, it makes me feel powerful.
- Adam: I see... She is a stupid bully.
(Kyouko is teased by Tenma when her boss starts to send her messages with funny emotes)
- Kyouko's Cellphone Message: "That was quickly like M9!"
- Kyouko: What's with that emoticon? Hehehe...
- Tenma: It's probably our boss. You know he is ironic. Also I think he has hots for you.
(Yet the most sexual interaction between female characters of the story go to Kyouko and Sonia in their bathroom scene)
- Sonia: Shall I wash your hair?
- Kyouko: Ahn? I can do it myself.
- Sonia: That's all right, I'll do it!
(Kyouko blushed and didn't say nothing as Sonia walked towards her with a shampoo. Just like that, Kyouko stayed in the same place and let Sonia wash her hair)
- Sonia: Does it itch anywhere, miss? *troll face*
- Kyouko: No... Not really. Fufufu.
- Sonia: Pupupu... Here? Or maybe...
(Sonia grabbed Kyouko's breasts with a troll face)
- Sonia: Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!
- Kyouko: H-AHAA-HA STOP!!
(Kyouko angry after Sonia "molested" her in the bathroom)
"Just once... You can sleep in the bed but if you try something funny I'll kick you out."
(It took not so long for Sonia to find a green bag under the bed and teased Kyouko once more)
- Kyouko: A green bag? If I recall, I don't have any green bag.
- Sonia: Seriously? Hmm... Could it be...
(Suddenly tense moment... And then...)
- Sonia: Your porn magazines?
- Kyouko: No! I don't have any porn!
(Sonia tricking Kyouko into believe the two had sex last night and took her "innocence")
- Kyouko: Good morning... What happened last night?
(Sonia's face became red like a apple)
- Sonia: That "thing"... You took my... thing.
- Kyouko: Like I asked... What happened? I know you saved me... If you were not here I would probably... Thanks...
- Sonia: No problem, I'll stay with you from now on.
- Kyouko: Aye... Again what happened?
- Sonia: You took my innocence... And it was with another woman... I can't marry anymore...
- Kyouko: Huh?
(Loading...)
- Kyouko: Screw you...
(Asuha receives a Death Letter of Jack the Ripper of 21st Century and her reaction...)
- Asuha: "I'm watching you for 10 hours per day for your Despair." Asuha: Well, that was scary. Well, I think I'll talk with that woman [Kyouko Kirigiri]
(- Narrator: Asuha knew that if she talked about that with the police she will be dead in the next day... But again, she gave zero fucks.)
(The false tense moment between Kyouko and Sonia in their car when the latter opens the glove compartment)
- Sonia: Kyouko, don't touch it!
(When Kyouko opened that, several little things in plastics fell on the car floor)
- Kyouko: I'm sorr---! This is...!
(Scary and tense moment)
- Sonia: Kyouko... You've seen it...
(Tense moments is broke out)
- Kyouko (think): *Candy?*
- Sonia: Now that you've seen it, there's no sense in hiding it anymore! You have some too, so you become equally guilty!
(Sonia gave Kyouko a lollipop)
(Otoya Takechi teasing Kyouko for sleeping in the same bed of Sonia turns it to be a dark humor)
"Hahaha! I knew it! Yes... Kyouko Kirigiri! You fell in love with your new friend! Sonia Nevermind! ULTRA-GAY! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
(Sonia and Kyouko planning to throw a sleepy-Katarina in front of her house... The scene is shown of screen but the aftermatch of this is shown with La Folia and Mana on screen!)
(In Sonia's car)
- Katarina: Zzzzzzzzz....
- Kyouko: Really? But we so far away from your home.
- Sonia: Don't worry about it. Since it's dangerous to drive at night, we can stay in my home.
- Kyouko: Hehehe... You guys are incredible.
- Sonia: After I throw Katarina from the car when we arrive in La Folia's house, we'll get your stuff in the Hotel.
(A few minutes later in La Folia's house)
- La Folia: She is... Late... I wonder if something happened... I'm going to look for her.
- Mana: La Folia! It's dangerous!
(La Folia and Mana walked down the stairs of the house and opened the front door only to see Katarina sleeping on the ground, exactly where Sonia and Kyouko promised to throw her)
- Katarina: Zzzzzz....
- La Folia: ........
- Mana: .........
The Corbin Files[]
Episode 1 - Le Premier Chapitre []
(The scene of Vento and Acqua interrogating the Mafusa Gangsters by throwing them from windows but later the two just stop to have a chit chat about Italian food)
- Acqua: I repeat! We want Eckidina KnightWalker! I believe this sadist was responsible for killing our messenger... You, since you worked for the deceased Aki Honda... you might know where she is! I bet you have connection with her!
- Vento: (showed the gangster two photos, one Eckidina and one Junko Enoshima) Eckidina has brown hair and white uniform. Recently, she's been hanging out with this girl with pink pigtails, leading a group of mad mob (referring Ultimate Despair) and holding a strange Teddy bear with colors like Yin-yang symbol!
- Acqua: (confused) Colors like Yin-yang symbol?!
- Vento: Whatever, it's just a black and white Teddy bear! Acqua, you know what Yin and Yang looks like, right?
- Acqua: I know, but we are now in Italy, not China! Why don't you say it looked like a piece of black and white Tiramisu (an Italian dessert)?! Vento: Anyways, don't make me hungry. (to gangster) Now, let's get to the bottom of this. Did you see them?
(And the interrogation continues...)
- Gangster: Please, I don't know where they are! Spare me! Do you believe me?
- Acqua: (to Vento) Do you believe him?
- Vento: Nope.
- Acqua: Me neither!
(Punches the gangster)
(A honest and innocent guard of the Raizen High School approaches Vento to welcome and...)
- Guard: Sorry, people, what can I do for...
- Vento: BUZZ OFF!
(The guard was punched by Vento rudely)
(When La Folia is suspicious that Vento and her men might be from the Catholic Church)
- La Folia: I think they are Catholics.
- Vento: Not "you think"! WE ARE CATHOLICS IN THE SUIT AND CRUCIFIX!
(When Corbin spots Sister Mary Eunice in his cabin)
- Sister Mary Eunice: Excuse me. Merry Christmas, Sheriff Corbin, since this is our first meeting, but... what happened?
- Corbin: Who are you?
- Sister Mary Eunice: Don't worry... I... am not...
- Corbin: (picked up a hammer from the ground) You broke into my door only trying to possess the girl, and now you returned to me and send me this coat? I'll beat you back! Your hammer is a hammer of thievery, and mine is the righteous hammer! I'll arrest you for intruding civilian's house! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (started to chase the poor nun)
- Sister Mary Eunice: (panicking and running) No, Sheriff, please calm down... Allow me to explain, I'm not a thief!
- Corbin: You're worse than a thief! You are an intruder! You are a demon who possessed that young woman and now finally, you showed yourself!
- Sister Mary Eunice: Wait... a demonic possession?
- Corbin: So what?
(And the reaction of Eunice later is simply hilarious!)
- Sister Mary Eunice: YOU TRICKED ME!
- Corbin: Just a Christmas joke, I hope you don't mind.
Episode 2 - Chapitre Deux []
(Misogi is beaten by Eckidina after attacking the Unknown Figure and stayed in a comic state!)
- Eckidina: Misogi, why did you attack our new companion? What's wrong with your nose?
- Misogi: (unclear voice) I suspected that he was on to something so I followed him into a "cwub", but...
- Junko: Cwub? What the Hockey Pockey is a "cwub"?
- Misogi: I did not say "cwub", Junko. I meant to say "cwub" (club).
- Junko: That's the same thing! What are you trying to say? Look at Misogi-Chan, Eckidina, he said "cwub". No one knows what a "cwub" is, right? What the "cwub" did you say, Misogi?
- Misogi: (annoyed) "Cwub" (Club)!
- Eckidina: Silence! Misogi-chan, you disobeyed me. Do you really think that you can be free to do anything you want? Over my dead body.
(For Junko, there are three options... With the same meaning...)
"Hello?! So was I! (start babbling) That's why the Church is hunting behind my back and chase me. There is also risks to get into trouble of being caught. This is nonsense, Misogi. Now, our Mr. Unknown, if I can call him so, sent us a letter from Rome where he went there after you attacked him! In the letter, the man wanted us to go to Rome for a trip and we will be on stage as a star. We will sneak into a charity fair operated by the Catholic Church, a good place to spread pain and despair. I don't know about the exact motive of this purpose but I find it interesting, so... Misogi, are you in, or in, or in?!"
(And the Red Haired Demon nickname attack again...)
- Michael: The honor is mine. Famous Katarina Couteau, the legendary Red-Haired-Demon, that's a turn up.
- Katarina: (dismayed) Uh...
- Michael: (immediately changed) Or should I just call you... Katarina if you like? Take no offense.
- Katarina: OK, thanks. Call me Katarina, please.
(Fiamma and Lidvia speaking about Terra of the Left and the former characterize Terra as some kind of lunatic monster)
- Fiamma: No, no, it's a real mystery. We don't know where he is. This is strange since he is a unique man. He's got green-haired, has 12 fingers in all like me. Furthermore, he is hideous and mentally unstable. We can find him and we should find him. He sometimes wears a hood and is fanatically dangerous. Don't tell anyone that I said that.
- Lidvia: How intriguing.
(In a place far away)
- Terra: (sneezed) AH-CHOO!
(Kyouko creeping out when the magician Alfredo shows to be some kind of amateur...)
- Alfredo: Does this... beautiful lady have a name?
- Katarina: I'm Katarina.
- Alfredo: Katarina! Ah, well, Katarina, this won't hurt at all...
(Prepare to cut through Katarina's waist with the saws)
- Alfredo: Is there a doctor in the house?
- Kyouko: (startled) No, just-just excuse me. Just wait, sir... wait... wait one second!
(The serious yet comic fight between Eckidina and Mana seemed to be more funny rather than a serious death battle)
- Misogi: (to Mana) Ah, how could you! Dismissive! Bitter! Arrogant! You really deserve a lesson from us and the ten minutes are running out!
- Eckidina: (pushed Misogi and turn back to the audience) EVERYBODY, BACK OUT, BACK OUT, BECAUSE SHE GAVE ME AN OFFICIOUS KICK! OHHH.... HAS SOMEONE FORGOT TO TIE UP HER KNEES! COME ON GUYS, THAT'S BASIC STUFF...
- Mana: (kicked Eckidina's hip) You like this?!
- Eckidina: AHH! (attempted to grab a knife on table)
- Misogi: (helped Eckidina regain balance) Hasn't been ten minutes. Maybe I'll go to the laundry for you... again.
- Eckidina: (angrily slapped Mana again) DIE!
- Mana: (get slapped) AHH!!! Don't you do that again!
(Misogi's desperate reaction to Junko's death while showing a photo of Eckidina kissing him!)
"OH, NO, JUNKO IS DEAD!!! NOW, WE'RE DONE WITH IT! I KNOW THIS PLAN IS CRAZY! WE SHOULD NOT CAME TO ROME, AND NOW WE MUST START PACKING AND LEAVE THIS CITY AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE! WE'LL TAKE OUR PASSPORT, GUMS, DRINKS, FRUIT KNIFE AND MINI-GUN... and this. (grabbed a photo showing Eckidina kissing him) I don't know about this. I planned to leave it here but look at me and look how handsome I am! Don't you think so, Ec--"
(It is proceeded by...)
(Misogi turned to Eckidina, but was surprised to find her cackling in sheer craziness. He stopped his babbling and went straight towards her.)
- Misogi: Oh, boy... She's cracked. She's gone nuts. (start knocking the door behind her) Hello? Eckidina? Eckidina-san~ IS THAT YOU!?
(Misogi grabbed Eckidina's collar in brute force, but then she stopped laughing and punched him once again. This punch made Misogi fell dizzy.)
- Misogi: That's HER...
(It turns Up to Eleven when Misogi is threw out of the hotel by Eckidina to be ambushed by Katarina's group)
- Misogi: Good morning, Katarina.
- Asuha: Looking at the sky, I saw many stars, but why on Earth did you say "Good Morning"?
- Mana: (to Asuha) Can't you see that? His brain must be hit and it made him a fool. (to Misogi) Misogi, why are you here?
- Misogi: Good question, ahem, good question. The answers had two.
- Katarina: Tell us the right one and don't lie to us.
- Misogi: Okay... (knelt and wept) Have pity on me, you all. Just then, Eckidina blamed her failed show in the night on me so she threw me out of the hotel. She must have deserted me and went away on her own.
- La Folia: And why are you here? You should go to the police.
- Misogi: Standing on the pavement, I was waiting for you.
- Asuha: Why is that? You want to give yourself in to us?
- Misogi: (frowned) That's the second part. Part one is... well, frankly speaking, I don't have enough money to pay the bill.
- Girls: !!!
- Katarina: So you want us to pay for you!?
- Misogi: Or else?
(It was not an intentional one but is completed the main villain, the Unknown Figure, completes the whole joke!)
"Misogi, leave this to me. I will pay your bill and... now it is time for the show."
(La Folia asking the citizens of Sleepy Hollow for the whereabouts of Katarina while showing them a photo of hers)
- La Folia: Did you see this girl?... Did you?... Did you see this girl?... Do you know where she is?... First question, what is this place, heaven or hell? Second question, what is the year, 2036 or 1784?
- Citizen: Neither, miss, this is Sleepy Hollow, and the year is 2013. Happy New Year. (went away)
- La Folia: Oh, thank you. Finally, a satisfying answer... but this is not the most vital things I want to know!!! Oh my... What am I talking about?
(The reaction of everyone when they witness Katarina in a grow up body due to the paradox events caused by the Unknown Figure's Time Travel)
- All: Happy New Year, Katarina! (suddenly stopped as they saw Katarina's altered looks)
- Katarina: La Folia! I'm... glad to see you guys here!
- La Folia: Are you... Katarina?
- Katarina: Yes, I am, in this coat.
- Mana: We mean... are you Katarina... or the ghost of Katarina?
- Katarina: I am not a ghost! Why are you here?
- Asuha: Why are YOU here?
(The Unknown Figure flirting with Eckidina only to make Misogi jealous, which is probably the only moment he tried to make an actual joke)
- Unknown: Oh, poor baby... is your boyfriend's nose okay? (kissed Eckidina's neck)
- Misogi: (whispered) Nasty.
Episode 3 - Chapitre Trois []
(Sister Mary Eunice explaining about how dangerous is Moloch but Katarina seems to give zero fucks)
- Sister Mary Eunice: Evil gains strength when good men do nothing. You are a good person, Katarina Couteau. The demons is gathering and the Witnesses need to be unite and fight together. Katarina, you and your friends are here because of a turbulence, and you must find the origin of this turbulence and fight it, otherwise your future... will be no more. That enigmatic demon king I met who trapped Katrina Crane... shall rule everything in the world... and our Earth will be his if we don't take actions, understand?
- Katarina: (smiled) Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I know what you are talking about, Sister, but... I just don't know why my appearance changed after I arrived at this world.
(Asuha mimicking Eckidina using a dummy puppet)
- Asuha: (mimicking Eckidina; to Katarina) Hey, I know you...
- Sister Mary Eunice: We are making your new armor as we speak, but at first your skill must be tested. Look what I prepared for you, my child.
- Asuha: (mimicking Eckidina; to Katarina) Oh, I got it. What a fool I am. You are the awesome Red-Haired-Demon... How legendary you are. What is this place, by the way?
- Sister Mary Eunice: (pointed at the dummy) Imagine that it is Eckidina! Imagine that she entered this world.
- Asuha: (mimicking Eckidina) I want to get out of here!
- Sister Mary Eunice: That box has everything you need to destroy her!
- Asuha: (mimicking Eckidina) LET ME OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT OF HERE! I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE! I WANT TO---
(Before "Eckidina" finished, Katarina roared and use the box to punch the dummy, instantly bringing it down. Both Sister Mary Eunice and Asuha looked at this with their jaws open.)
(Corbin trying to find an excuse to Abbie about Katarina's identity)
- Abbie: Who is she?
- Corbin: Uh, actually, she is the "sister of the wife of the third brother of the second uncle of my eldest grand-uncle". Her name is Katarina Coteau. She is kind of like my grand-niece, after all.
- Abbie: What a mouthful. Perhaps, however, you really have this kind of relative.
(The small conversation between the Novosic Kingdom's soldiers before Michael as the Unknown Figure kills them with toxic dards)
- Novosic Captain: Still cannot contact Her Highness anyway! I don't know what will happen in coming days, but what happened today may make our future days very harsh!
- Soldiers: (weakly) Yes, sir...
- Captain: Don't you speak like that. It sounds like some old ladies! My, my, how to say "WE'RE ALL DOOMED" in Chinese?!
Episode 4 - Chapitre Quatre []
(Elsa the Snow Queen sending a sarcastic death threat to Michael as the Unknown Figure)
- Unknown: (as Green Meanie) Finally, the queen is here. Surrender your crown... and let me show you the 1,000 ways for you to die.
- Elsa: (calmed down and prepared her ice magic) I know 1,001 ways for you.
(Sonia trying to befriend Unknown as his answer is even more funnier!)
- Sonia: Good luck in Rome. I'm so glad that you considered myself as a friend.
- Unknown: A figure of speech, (Sonia's smile instantly disappeared) but do go on.
- Sonia: I can't help feeling... Wouldn't I be so much more useful to you as a friend, as a colleague, or at least as an ally?
- Unknown: As opposed to the tool you are at present? Good question... No.
(The Unknown pocking Junko to bring her back to reality while distracted with Kamukura's handsomeness)
- Junko: Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was admiring that handsome Kamukura-chan right there. You know how I admire the type of man like him.
- Unknown: Leave him alone.
- Izuru: (irritated) Yeah, leave me alone.
- Sonia: (whispered to Izuru) Hush, you are just a mere boredom-soaked fool. (smiled to Unknown Figure) Your Answer?
- Unknown: The answer is no, my friend. Off you go.
(The reaction of Kyouko to see a KnightWalker carrying a bazooka)
(Several criminals raised their hands to surrender. The police and holy knights soon surrounded the place and kept those criminals secured. Just then, a KnightWalker agent arrived with a bazooka on his shoulder)
- Lidvia: GET DOWN!!!
(The man fired the bazooka to police and Church militant, but they successfully dodged the rocket)
- Lidvia: (spell in Latin) Croce di Pietro!!!
(Activating one of the Ten Holy Artifacts, Lidvia pierced the man's thigh, defeating him. Feeling unexpected to see a bazooka, Kyouko looked at Lidvia with utter surprise)
- Kyouko: A damn bazooka?!
- Lidvia: Welcome to Sicily, detective.
(Vento in love with the illegal money of KnightWalker Family)
- Vento: (jokingly) This will fit my year's salary.
- Kyouko: Don't get any ideas about that cash, my friend. Just bag it up.
- Acqua: Don't worry, detective. Ideas are not her strong suit.
(The Unknown Figure arriving in Eckidina's office wet from his feet to top)
- Eckidina: What happened?
- Unknown: It was... um, raining outside, all the way I got here from Rome and I forgot to take my umbrella. Well, how was the Traveler's Spell? Had it worked?
(Seconds later, Eckidina had a beat)
- Eckidina: Wait a minute, did it rain today? Oh, whatever. Maybe it rained.
(Asuha's reaction after hearing she will stay in a bigger house)
- Asuha: YEAH! A FREE ROAD TRIP AND A BIGGER HOUSE!
- Katarina: Asuha! You scared the heck out of me!
- La Folia: Oh, Katarina...
(Mikan introducing Misogi to Maria as some kind of animal deserves to be here!)
"Me and this guy, Eckidina's "pet parrot", are here on business. We arrived with message from Princess Sonia Nevermind. Are your brothers home?"
(The reaction of Misogi after entering the house of the Arzonia Family and spots tons of weapons, gasolines, explosives and war equipaments)
"Hey, boys. Holy smokes, you have so much stuff! To be honest you can take down the whole Spain or even conquering the Mediterranean Sea with so many things. You three can be kings of the world."
(The sudden reaction of Lidvia after Kyouko shoots down Jacob and kills him in an explosion; making her think she was using explosive bullets)
"What kind of bullet did you packed, detective?!"
(Kyouko's first wrathful reaction since her debut when she heard the Aurozia Organization is selling children as slaves)
"Selling children? Sons of b****es... Don't worry. I will help you."
Episode 5 - Chapitre Cinq []
(The scene of Sonia angrily whipping out Soda's butt!)
- Soda: (whispered) Are you really sure about this!?
- Sonia: (whispered) Didn't you know that Huang Gai willingly to be beaten to Zhou Yu for some false complaints they both set up, so that he can fool Cao Cao in a false surrender, therefore they defeated Cao's army. Therefore, well, you should learn something from Huang Gai, that honorable old general. Didn't you know we need someone to sacrifice him/herself to help me bring that man down!?
(whip)
- Soda: (whispered) I know, but... WHY ME!? OUCH! PAIN!!!
- Sonia: Listen up, people! Soda had REFUSE TO speak ill of the late Arzonia brothers and our clients' magnificent plan! Now, since that man is trying to be a control freak, so I guess I have no choice! Like I said, in three hours, you are gonna give me a straight answer about my following plan, or you... will be...
(Slapped Soda again)
- Soda: OW!!!
- Sonia: ... just like him, period.
(The scene of all Ultimate Despair singing Tunes We Have All Been Blind and the Unknown Figure decides to join the fun)
- Sonia: ♪ We, have all been blind, and yet the answer is staring us in the face. This could be a chance... to ensnare our clever friend. ♪
- Owari: We're listening!
- Ibuki: Go on!
- Sonia: ♪ We shall play his game. Perform his work but remember, we hold the ace. For if Soda came to us, he's certain will be exposed. ♪
- Ibuki: ♪ We're certain the doors are barred! ♪
- Owari: ♪ We're certain the guards are there! ♪
- Sonia: ♪ We're certain they're armed! ♪
- Owari, Sonia & Ibuki: ♪ The curtain falls. HIS REIGN WILL END!!! ♪
(Everyone hears Unknown's voice from his office)
- Unknown: [♪ Seal my fate tonight. I hate to have to cut the fun short, but the joke's wearing thin. Let the audiences in. LET MY OPERA BEGIN!!! ♪]
(The Unknown Figure tricking Soda just after he discover a Super KnightWalker is protecting Kyouko's "parents" through a TV)
(Soda struggled himself to stood up. He noticed a television set and a remote control beside the Unknown Figure. Soda grabbed the remote control and opened the TV, as he saw two old people struggled as a KnightWalker guard kept beating them and looking for intruders. The guard also had a fly swatter in his hand, and if he saw an bug, he will kill it mercilessly, meaning that no intruders allowed - not even a bug)
- Soda: Holy smokes...
(Unknown Figure burst into the room)
- Unknown: Ha, I just suspect that there was a trick in this surrender!
(A brainwashed asking "whatever" he wants from Sonia)
- Sonia: Well done, Soda... Your loyalty will be rewarded. I will give everything you want, and your request will always be my expectation.
- Soda: Will you marry me?
- Sonia: Uh, that's out of the question.
(A brainwashed Soda asking mercy to Unknown Figure after he beat all of the Ultimate Despair members with a baseball bat)
- Soda: I am sorry, Sonia-san...
- Unknown: Soda, hit yourself and sweet dream.
- Soda: Buddy, please spare us... I will...
- Unknown: I SAY HIT YOURSELF!!!
(Soda could do nothing but hitting his own head and made himself fell into coma)
Episode 6 - Chapitre Six []
(Where do crows drink beers? Lidvia knows!)
- Lidvia: Sister, I am here because I want to asked you something. First of all, someone gave me a tricky question today. "Where do crows drink beers?
- Agata: Sister, I don't think I am like...
- Lidvia: I insist.
- Agata: Ah, fine, crows drinks beers, huh? I think it is... maybe bar?
- Lidvia: Semi-correct. It was a bar for crows, but it has two words.
(Agata thought for a while and then shouted out)
- Agata: CROW BAR!
- Lidvia: That's right... Crow... BAR!!!
(Acqua's reaction after listening to "bo~ku" in a recording)
"What is that? It sounds like a Robin bird squeaking."
(The scene of Kyouko introducing Sonia to Rentaro)
"Don't be so afraid. She's harmless... for now."
(And it gets even better at each line)
- Kyouko: She said she will help it out in this case.
- Rentaro: That's what mad people say!
(When Rentaro took a look at Sonia once more, he was shocked to find Sonia was holding a balloon hammer with "1000 tons" writing on it. Rentaro was startled because he thought for a while that it was a real hammer)
- Sonia: Do you want to help us out or not?!
- Rentaro: Okay...
"Aw, kidnapping..."
"After all, I am Kyouko's fan and I learned some detective skills as well. Now, I am helping you to find Katarina and stop Terra of the Left before he destroys us all. Therefore, you're gonna praise me for saving many lives, including yours!"
(Sonia getting so distracted with her conversation with Rentaro and Sonia that she passed Eckidina's mansion)
- Kyouko: Indeed, but... where is Eckidina's mansion anyway?
(Sonia suddenly behaved awkwardly and looked around. Then, she smiled with embarrassment)
- Sonia: Oops, it was across the street. I spoke so much that I drove passed it...
- Kyouko & Rentaro: Huh!?
(The KnightWalker guard threatning Michael in cutting off his dinner!)
"What? Oh, no, if you don't give me dinner, I will starve. If I starve, I will have low blood sugar. If I have low blood sugar, I will fall into shock. If I fall into shock for too long, I will be dead. If I am dead, you can't let me talk. Therefore, please don't cut my dinner..."
(At least once in her life Eckidina is right about Katarina...)
- Corbin: She will never surrender to someone like you.
- Eckidina: Of course she will, Corbin. She is dumb!
"Nah, I'm bored. Shoot the sheriff."
"Which do you prefer, to allow them die respectively... or die together?"
Episode 7 - Chapitre Sept []
===(The "what" seems to be very used by the goofy)===
- Knapp: The Order of the Blood Moon.
- Asuha: The Order of what?
(Unknown taunting Eckidina in every way)
- Eckidina: He... he escaped...
(Unknown slap Eckidina)
- Misogi: WHO ARE YOU THAT DO SUCH A DISRESPECTFUL THING!?
- Unknown: Oh, Misogi, you're back to your old tricks. She is so spoiled and useless, behaved like an immature clown, but you chose to serve her.
(A random driver mistakes Misogi as some police officer)
- Misogi: Hello.
- Driver: Officer, I don't believe I was speeding.
- Misogi: Name, please.
- Driver: Are you okay, sir?
- Misogi: Yes.
- Driver: What happened to your knee?
- Misogi: It's hard to explain.
Episode 8 - Chapitre Huit []
(Eckidina playing a riddle with Katarina)
- Eckidina: [WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE REAL ASSASSIN? You have only five minutes now.]
- Katarina: Terra of the Left.
- Eckidina: [Are you sure? Your spears are now in my hand and now you are holding a simple sword to fight against those ferocious monsters. Are you really sure you want to answer "Terra of the Left"?]
- Katarina: YES!
- Eckidina: [Okay...]
(Eckidina leaned forward to her microphone)
- Eckidina: [WRONG. Enjoy your punishment.]
- Katarina: NO! YOU CHEATED!
(Later, a KnightWalker offer everything Ivy desires for...)
- Poison Ivy: What is all of this? This place has no sunlight, only muddy floor, and there is no water inside! Like this sort of low-level service, there will be no prisoners that wants to stay in here!
- KnightWalker: You want high-level service? Pay 10,000 bucks at first.
- Poison Ivy: Ten thousand bucks!?
(And then... Ivy gives him a bankbook)
- Poison Ivy: Here you are, you awful crook!
- KnightWalker: Ah... I see. You have the number $100,000,000,000,000 on it.
- Poison Ivy: Yes.
- KnightWalker: But they are all negative asset. Are you in debt?
"Ha, of course! I am now like a queen of this Candy Island - I mean, Novosic Kingdom! Thanks to you, Sonia is gone, la-dee-da~"
(Poor Misogi... Serilda is too cold-hearted for not thanking him when he took his time digging a hole to search for her bones)
"Uh... You're welcome."
Episode 9 - Chapitre Neuf []
(While this episode was 100% serious, Sonia breaking the 4th Wall and sending a letter to Officer Candy Apple's Birthday deserves to be here!)
"This is not for flattering or threatening, Officer. This is only a talk between a CIS staff and a character. To make it short, I just want to wish you a Happy Birthday. The Corbin Files now is in its climax, thanks to you, and I think the situation is melting down. With one of our friend turns out to be our foe, I don't know if one day I can go back to Novosic Kingdom. I'm been a lot of wedding and birthday party before - funeral, too. It is heartbreaking to see Corbin died. However, you know, there is something known as "Gone but not forgotten". Corbin will be remembered by us, even if I only met him once. Now, as a member of Team Witness... for now, I will try my best to stop Michael before that hypocrite ruins everything, so that I can return to my kingdom and start my new plan. Ah... you must be curious but this is so far a little secret. You would be glad to see me with my own plan in the future story, wouldn't you? Also, please give my best wishes to CIS members. I read about The Cranes Arc during break, and I felt that Ichabod Crane is a wonderful man though he died so tragically, but he is lucky to be back, right? I think he and Abbie will be a pair of great working partners. Don't ask why, but now I will determine to make things right. Wait a minute, I think I am gonna leave here now. Owari is running to your cake and Takana is stopping her! I'M GONNA STOP HER BEFORE SHE RIP THAT CAKE APART!!! Anyway, I'll be waiting you on the party - and the next episode! Happy 19th Birthday! :)"
Episode 10 - Chapitre Dix[]
(Duke Firenza "sacrificing" himself to prevent Pandora from hurting Carl Robinson)
- Pandora: This is not sacrifice. This is suicide...
- Mr. Gold: Well, that's awkward...
(The Bride tricking two KnightWalker with the most old joke ever)
- The Bride: LOOK! UFO! The trick was old fashioned, but still it worked well. All of a sudden, the two KnightWalker guards immediately buy it and went to see the UFO.
- KnightWalker guards: Where!? Where!?
- Bride: HERE!
(get kicked)
"Indeed, 100% accurate."
(Blackheart's blastant goal in replacing someone who is 30/10 stronger than him [Leohart the Prince of Hell]
"Why should I? I CAN REPLACE LEOHART WITH MYSELF, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"
"I don't want to make Misogi jealous. Hug him instead."
Episode 11 - Chapitre Onze []
(Ichabod scared of the current world's technology!)
- Interrogator: This is a polygraph machine. I ask you questions, it knows if you're lying or telling the truth.
- Ichabod: The machine knows? What the hell kind of a place is this? By what right are you holding me against my will, and what on Earth is that?
(It divides opnions but the interrogator answering all of Ichabod's questions in a row deserves to be here. It's unknown if he was being serious or sarcastic)
"The good news is you won the war. The bad news is... it was 232 years ago. Welcome to 21st century, Mr. Crane."
(An original joke from the original Sleepy Hollow series; Ichabod still confused about the current world and questions Abbie why she was free since in his time black people were originally slaves)
- Ichabod: A female lieutenant? In whose army?
- Abbie: You're not gonna break character, huh?
- Ichabod: You've... been emancipated, right?
- Abbie: Excuse me?
- Ichabod: From enslavement.
"Okay, I'll play along here. I am a black female lieutenant for the Westchester County Police Department. Do you see this gun? I'm authorized to use it... on you."
"Oh, really? Oh, well, that's a wonderful news. Thank you for the clarification. Here, I thought I'd actually awoken in the future, and that my wife had been dead for 232 years. I'm glad that everything I'm seeing and hearing and touching is impossible, because that means it isn't actually happening."
"Excellent. This day continues to bear gifts. Will we be sharing a cell, Lieutenant?"
"NOT UNKNOWN FIGURE! IT'S MICHAEL! You see I will not buy these whole... uber-villain nonsense. You see if he want to wear hood, he could wear hood. It is Sleepy Hollow. Nobody cares right?"
(Ichabod using Abbie's taunts to disobey her)
- Abbie: I told you to stay in the car.
- Ichabod: Yes, as you know, I'm "insane" and therefore impervious to simple commands.
(Michael explaining to Katarina how did he find her... He then explains it was the giant vibrator La Folia used to punish her for fighting Azul Jissele)
"It was a coincidence. I seized a chance to conquer Neverland as I disguised as Duke of Weselton to contact Mr. Gold, but unluckily, he did not agree with me. However, during the talk, I heard your voice coming from time since I and a special sense. Soon, I managed to find out that noise came from you... when you were punished by La Folia with that strange equipment. It made me to notice you."
(Struggling with Katarina, Michael thought that Kyouko fell to her death but the he was alarmed when he heard Kyouko's voice full of triumphant)
- Kyouko: Looking for me?
(Alarmed all of a sudden, Michael looked at the direction but saw no one there. Then, Kyouko and Sister Mary Eunice who was carrying her with all her strength appeared after 10 seconds of absence. Considering his struggle with Katarina, Michael was very patient waiting for them)
- Kyouko: Uh... I just said that too soon, didn't I? HEE-YAH!
(Michael spamming blood magic each second until Kyouko had enough of it)
"Another blood magic? Is there an end?"
(Kyouko awakening after being knocked out by Michael)
- Kyouko: Oh... Sister, am I in Heaven... or Hell?
- Sister Mary Eunice: Neither, detective, this is Sleepy Hollow. You are still alive.
- Kyouko: Well, thanks, and I owe you one... again.
Episode 12 - Chapitre Douze et Fin[]
(Katarina bringing out how she and Katrina are VERY similar!)
"Ha, me and this witch lady had SOOO many resemblances. We both are girls, had red hair, and our names had such a resemblance except my name have three "A"s, so... I can't imagine I will one day dig a grave where she ain't be buried inside at all."
(But if the Horseman is moving... He is not dead? Right?)
- Sonia: Is he dead, Sister?
- Sister Mary Eunice: ......
(Hearing Sonia's words and seeing the Horseman, even Sister Mary Eunice had a large drop of sweat coming from her head. She shook her head, hinting that she did not think so. However, the figure of speech she used was not "No, he isn't" but... )
- Sister Mary Eunice: Well, that's the problem. He was dead to begin with.
- All: ...... (=_=) |||
(.............. Katarina being creative in taunts)
- Katarina: Michael Langdon, that is you! Now you won't get away with it! Imma deck you to the schonz!!!
- Michael: Is there any creativity here? "Michael Langdon, that is you! Now you won't get away with it." and then... what does that mean? Well, beside the last sentence does have creativity, the rest I heard were nothing but some typical words and I already heard that bit and skip ahead. You are all so boring here.
(Michael is probably being playful but who knows?)
- Michael: Ugh... How dare you... But I am not here fight... I am here to inform you that I am under the protection in a shadow form. This is a place for us to party... Or parley.
- Katarina: Parley?!
- Michael: Now, here is the terrible thing and prepare for it, since it is the surprise. Oh, well, be careful, not to have an heart attack! Voila!
(Everyone snapping out of Michael's illusions and saying Badass Boasts and Asuha is just there chilling)
"Now, even though I am not gonna say some cool quote since I am no expert on this, but that does not mean I will never gonna fight back!"
(Asuha's Curb-Stomp Battle with the Headless Horseman!)
(At the cemetry, Asuha raised the shovel to the Horseman and she start beating him, but the Horseman punched her as well. Asuha had to avoid the punch but the Horseman was much more powerful than her. Just then, she found a chance and punched the Horseman with her fist... However, nothing worked... except Asuha's right hand was apparently broken...)
- Asuha: Aw...
(The Horseman was enraged and punched Asuha, making her a 180 degrees turn and dropping her shovel as well. When Mana approached him and attacked him with her gun, he started to fight her as well, just as Sister Mary Eunice went healing Asuha's wound)
- Asuha: All the dinosaurs are afraid of T-Rex... (>_<)
(Sonia's evil laugh tricking Andy)
- Sonia: Ha... ha...
- Andy: Hmm?
- Sonia: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
- Andy: What's so funny?
- Sonia: Oh, it reminded me an old joke... known as "Behind you"!
(Hearing this, Andy immediately turned his head before Kyouko punched the dirty cop with her baseball bat for two times, and she knocked him down.)
(Sure... Michael laughing like a mad psychopath in the form of a monster is an ally of the heroes. Sherlock Homes)
(Before Kyouko could finish, a horrid laughter had appeared above them)
- Michael: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
- Katarina: MICHAEL!!!
- Officer 1: Is that one of ours, too?
- Kyouko: No... he isn't.
"Son of a b***h..."
(Police can do it better alone?)
- Katarina: Trust me, officers. He is not a normal criminal, and we can deal with it.
- Officer 1: Why do I need to listen to you?
(Suddenly, several zombies appeared behind Katarina, and Katarina immediately used her spears and attacked them. She spun like a violent twister and killed several zombies that tried to attack her. Then, after kicking one last zombie away, she looked at the two officers who were astonished)
(One second later...)
- Officers: We appreciate your help.
(Was once a man... Michael losing his human form and becoming a pool of blood on the ground)
- Rentaro: What the heck is going on!? Did you see that? W-what was that thing!?
- Katarina: Once, it was Michael Langdon, and now I shall name him "Pool of Blood".
(Ichabod's first day on future is just like one day joining school)
- Ichabod: I never expected the first episode of my adventure after 232 years would be so exciting to fight alongside so many people from future...
- Katarina: And I never expected that I have fought with people in the past.
- Serilda: HAHAHAHAHA... Finally, you are here, Crane. Come closer, please... and I will show you the way to Hell.
- Ichabod: I know the way.
"We made it! Is that what you got, Michael? Is this the best you can do!? I once tried to struck the knife at your throat and yet I failed. However, now I wondered if I could have another knife to struck somewhere else... OHHH!!!"
"HA, LIKE IT? I WILL BITE YOU TO DEATH!"
(In Michael's country, mouses can fly!)
(All of a sudden, numerous red vampire bats made of Michael's blood had came out towards them, and they are all filled with Michael's desire to destroy his enemies. The whole Team Witness were alarmed and immediately shot at the swarm of bats on the sky. Adam chopped down as many as possible with his axe, and Rentaro was horrified as he kept shooting at the red bats, so horrified that he can't even figured out what was attacking them...)
- Rentaro: My God! Mice can fly?!
- Mana: Look clearer! Those are bats!
- Rentaro: Oh... bats... as long as they are not flight attendants of mice...
- Adam: Concentrate, you two!
"Awesome job, guys. We won! Someone do need to end those whack-jobs' reign of terror!"
"So ugly and yet so emotional."
"Katarina, strike his face and make a hole on his cheek!"
(Katarina's sarcastic battle quote after Witness Team defeats Michael)
"You've done so much trying to destroy the world, Michael... and now you've destroyed your body. I hope this is what you want."
(The usually serious Captain Frank Irving's very first humorous moment...)
"I ought to throw you in jail, except I have a preserved head in a pickle jar, and several strangers as well as two cops who just backed up to your story. Not to mention a confession from Brooks, who says he'll plea-bargain, but only if he talks to you and "Captain America" here."
Saga AA - Part 2[]
Oh boy... Since the season 2 had many updates from their producers, the jokes here took ANOTHER level! As the second season is HUGE, we'll set another independent page for it. Click to see it here!
Ara Astaroth - the Mascot[]
This is Ara Astaroth...
"I'LL KILL YOU TO DEATH!!"
"Shorty?! Could a shorty do this?! What else you want to call me: a half-pint bean sprout midget?! I'm still growing you backwater desert idiots!"
"Look around Suzuya, at these big ass trees."
- Ara: "We had sex and sex makes babies! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤"
- CM: "......."
- Conti: '"........"
"People die when they're killed."
"I'm going to eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!"
"But I waxed off everything! I waxed off your car, I waxed off your house, I even waxed off your monkey!"
"Why aren't the Sin Archbishops showing up? Oh, they're dead.... Why are they dead?!?
"Welcome to Oz, bitch!"
"I don't founded this empire to receive aliens with dick-like heads..."
... and 50% of all funny moments in Saga AA goes to this monster
"Remember when I drank that guy? That was weiirrdd."
"I, Prince Hamdo, have become the Supreme Leader o---blah-blah blah-blah, I get it. Then you slay the jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia."
"Well, if it isn't Faggoty Andy and On-the-Raggedy Ann!!
- Ara: CM, you staying the night? We got plenty of room here, but, you know, no extra beds so we'll have to share. ❤ ❤
- CM: The rats in the basement don't sound so bad as a company.
"Just listening to the space duck... what a majestic creature."
"I'll shove my Azarath fists right up their ass!"
- Ara: Hello, I'm Space Napolehitler. Give me the thing.
- Mouri: No!
- Ara: Give me the thing!
- Mouri: No!
- Ara: Kill his kid! (Kid dies with a Wilhelm Scream) Give me the thing.
- Mouri: Here.
- Ara: Kill him!
- Mouri: But the thing! (Neck Snap)
- Tomas: …wait am I immortal?
- Ara: I don't know! Let's see…
- Narrator: A new evil has revealed its face. Who are these mysterious enemies, and do Katarina and the Rogues stand a chance? The answers to these questions will be revealed---
- Ara: ---Right now. Future Ara, Future CM, Zorc, and Oh My, No.
- Ara: ... Petelgese, what the hell was that?
- Petelgese: I believe that was the space duck.
- Elder: Why are you here? Why are you killing our people?
- Ara: Well, you see, I was just in the area and I thought this would be a delightful place for a summer home what the f*** do you think I'm here for!?
- Ara: W-w-wait! You and I... we could team up against the Rogues! Rule the Omniverse! ... as mother and son! [looks at CM] And father.
- Ara: You know, Thetis, I'm starting to think that my people don't know what I pay them for.
- Theta: You don't pay us.
- Ara: (hurriedly) Allow them to live for. I mean first we lose...what was his name?
- Thetis: Petelgese Romanne-Conti? The guy who took care of you his ENTIRE life.
- Ara: Ah, Petelgese. Then we lose all of our Black Mages, and now Roland's dead? I'm sorry, but if this sh*t goes any further south, we're going to hit Space Mexico.
- Thetis: What is it you want me to do, Shogun of Sorrow, Ara Astaroth?
- Ara: What I want YOU to do is pull up your frilly stockings, tighten your thong, and stop being such a retard.
- Conti: Anti-Christ of All Anti-Christs, I really need to use the Space Skype.
- Ara: Petelgese, what could possibly be so important that you need to interrupt me during my call?
- Conti: Well, I need to call my girlfriend.
- Ara: Well, I—(glances over his shoulder in shock) CM, I'll call you back. (disconnects Space Skype and drops back down to floor level) ...come again?
- Conti: You see, our one-year anniversary is coming up, and I want to see where she wants to go so we can make reservations early.
- Ara: Oh... and all this time I could've sworn you were...never mind.
- Conti: What? You thought I was single?
- Ara: Well, no, I just... I thought you were into... you know, it really doesn't matter.
- Conti: Well it matters to me, because, frankly it sounds like you thought I was— (random minion enter in the room)
- Random Minion: Mistress of Darkness! Shigure Yukimi broken out of the healing—TAAAAANK! (dies by energy blast)
- Ara: Oh no, that minion died could you go fix that or we'll continue this conversation never.
- Conti: ...did he say something about Shigure?
(explosion)
- Ara: Petelgese, who did you leave guarding her?
- Conti: ...
(Cut to the wrecked lab and what's left of Crauz)
- Ara: CRAUZ?! You left Crauz here?!
- Conti: Well, I thought he could handle it!
- Ara: Crauz couldn't handle an hour watching porn, much less Shigure!
"So, for the first century I'll go easy on them, lure them into a false sense of security, and then when they think I'm not so bad, BAM! I'll go full tyrant on them in the second century. Then I'll disappear for a millennia and make them wonder if I even existed to begin with, just to come back and kill them all."
"Dirty scientist... After all I do---! [Ara enters in CM's room only to see him without T-shirt] Oh my god, you could grind meat on th—[stumbles back] AH!"
"AGH! My organs! Stay in there, stay in your home, mommy needs you!"
- Katarina: So I take it you're the one who exterminated mankind?
- Ara: Oh no, no, that was another guy. His name was "Shit, Sherlock", first name "No".
(During the battle between her and Maria Arzonia, Ara surprised Maria and grabbed her hair, swinging her in circle while laughing with amusement, while Maria screamed in horror and pain. Fortunately, Matt managed to save Maria in time.)
- Matt: Maria, are you okay?
- Maria: Get out of the way! (flew towards Ara and reached her) If I am as cruel as you, I would at least have some manners! (slapped Ara)
- Ara: Oh! I will teach YOU some manners! (slapped Maria)
(Ara and Maria slapped each other one time after another on the midair, while everyone not far away seeing this in bewilderment)
- Rentaro: How terrifying...
- Jellal: It seems like that ladies will turn horrifying when they are upset...
- Katarina: Beat her, Maria! Don't let her get away! Do it! Do it!
- Michael: I've been looking for Carissa, Ara, but I can't find her anywhere. She is not in Buckingham Palace.
- Ara: What do you mean you can't find Carissa anywhere, Your Holiness? (slapped the table and yelled at the Inquisitors) Find her now! I want to see Carrisa right now! AT ONCE! If she has left, she will be a cower who refuses to accept her first defeat. A LOSER!
- Michael: ......
- Ara: Bring me Carissa! CARRISA! CARRISA!! CARRISA!!!
- Ara: Wanna see some magic, son?
- Tomas: Yes.
- Ara: Me too.
- Ara: I see a beautiful woman in this mirror. A woman with might, determination, beauty and intelligence that will surpass all Gods.
- Satella: Thank---!
- Ara: Oh! You're here too! HAHAHA!
- Moloch: I am afraid that you'll adress me as your grandfather...
- Ara: [sacarstically] My GREAT-GRANDSON!!!
- Moloch: ......
- Ara: [serious] You are Sidney Glass, and the Magic Mirror himself. I am just gonna ask you one question!
- Sidney Glass: Yeah?
- Ara: [turn mischevous] Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest lady of them all?
- Sidney Glass: [bemused] Well, technically speaking, you are not a queen.
- Ara: Oh, that is sweet... unless I blow your head in three steps: Smash, splash and crash! Fine, seriously, TELL ME... WHERE IS ICHABOD CRANE!?
- Sidney: Now we're talking...
- Imperia: No, I can't lose. I have to beat you. You're evil, and you have to be stopped!
- Ara: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand. (lightning strikes Ara, to no effect) HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!
"Don’t be so serious. If you cannot laugh at yourself, call me. I’ll laugh at you."
- Ara: You're nothing but an overgrown lizard!
- Katarina: And you're nothing but an overgrown that thing Kotori keeps in her drawer!
- Ara: Will you just piss off?
- Katarina: I don't have to use the bathroom!
- Ara: Oh please, everyone's always on about the children. I already tried leaving them alive, but all they do is grow up under my rule or dedicate their pathetic lives to revenge. Usually both. Really, killing them this a kindness. I can retract that kindness if you wish, but then who's the villain?
- Celica: (totally lost) Y... you.
- Ara: N-no, that was a rhetorical question.
- Celica: And I gave you a rhetorical answer!
- Ara: ...Good lord, I traded Nu Wa for this.
"Oh, go ahead, pool's open; water's fine. (Everyone just stands there, shaking in their boots) No? Just going to stand there like a bunch of pissants? Thought so."
- Ara: Shen?
- Shen: It's not working, Astaroth King!
- Ara: Did you click T.V., then Power?
- Shen: Oh, wait, I'm on Video 2.
- Ara: Nein, Video 1! Oh this is so embarassing... Sorry Iscariot leaders and Ratatoskr...
- Ara: Tonight we'll annihilate London!
- Vira: Um.. all of London?
- Ara: All of London!
- Petelgese: How about the Army Museum?
- Ara: Laid to waste!
- Minion 1: Big Ben?
- Ara: Toppled to the ground!
- Heis: The House of Parliament?
- Ara: Eradicated!
- Minion 2: The Tower of London?
- Ara: Obliterated!
- Minion 3: The Holocaust Museum?
- Ara: Leave that be! That place is a jerking material for me!
- Ara: Real quick, does anyone want to explain what we just witnessed?
- Vampire: Uh, I think that was Sonic the Hedgehog from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise by Sega, My Lady.
- Ara: Okay, but why did it have a foot-long erection?
- Vampire: The fanbase is... diverse. You can find many hentai doujinshis even from you out there on Internet.
- Ara: You mean weird.
- Vampire: It's a matter of perspective, really. For example, I like yuri hentais, but when it changed to ladyboys the genre is just...
- Ara: Oh, so this is my fault then.
- Kotori: Wha—? N-no—
- Ara: Everything is my fault, apparently. Ate the last spotted dick pudding in the fridge? My fault. Crashed a car into the world's first British Dairy Queen? My fault. Unknowingly shot Archduke Ferdinand and blamed it on some other guy and started World War I? Ohhhh MY FAULT... Ok... I confess I did this one.
- Ara: Do you know who Herod the Great was trying to kill when he sent his men to kill all infants of his kingdom?
- Katarina: Nnnnnoooo...
- Ara: It was me when I decided to play the innocent kid on the camp to play with a very cute boy... So, let me ask you: Do you think Herod the Great was the villain?
- Vira: Wow, haven't seen Brazilians get slaughtered like this since... well, you know.
- Ara: Really? I see it everyday on TV with the righ-rate of crime, 80 people dead per day--Now this is a country for us! Why do you think I choose this country to control?!
- Triggers General: YOU FUCKING BITCH! WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING WITH YOUR SO-CALLED PLAN?! DON'T WASTE OUR TIME AND TURN US IN BLACK DEMONS IF YOU WANT YOUR SECURITY!
- Ara: If you want to become a Black Demon... Well, general... Kiss my official ass then.
- All Ara Minions: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
- The Fallen's Essence: (answers the door) [Who is it?]
- Ara: Oh, you know... (shoots the Fallen thirty-seven times) A real demon!
- Ara: I take enthusiastic walks through the woods.
- Kyouhei: And kill innocent priests and nuns! You're a MONSTER!
- Ara: Very enthusiastic walks.
(Ara is watching Adventure Time in her room)
- Jake the Dog: (ecstatic laughter) (TV suddenly explodes as Melancholia enters.)
- Ara: That was a 70-inch...plasma screen TV. (inhales deeply) So...how can I help you?
- Melancholia: You must be the great Astaroth...
- Ara: 'Sup.
- Melancholia: I've heard quite a lot about you.
- Ara: Oh, really?
- Melancholia: The nightwalker...who glides through oceans of blood...beyond human, a monster whose power radiates with a darkness that casts a shadow o--
- Ara: Oh, you dirty ****! Work the shaft!
- Melancholia: ...Excuse you?
- Ara: Oh, I'm sorry, I like the dirty talk when a woman is praising me.
- Melancholia: Perhaps I should just skip to my point. My name is Melan---
- Ara: And I'm Carmen Sandiego. Guess where I am.
- Melancholia: I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here.
- Ara: Oh, so am I, and I'm failing, and I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated, because this little fairy just strolled into my room, destroyed my 70-inch plasma TV, and is trying to impress me like I'm her alcoholic father.
(Mexican Standoff ensues)
- Ara: Be a sport and grab mommy another beer, would you?
- Ara: YOU KNOW, THEY SAY INTERNET MAKES YOU VIOLENT. BUT I'D SAY NOT HAVING MY INTERNET IS MAKING ME PRETTY FUCKING VIOLENT!
- Vira: You choose Brazil because of its crime-rate that amused you but you were never expecting for this... Shall we move to United States?
- Ara: NO! I REFUSE USE CAPITALIST INTERNET!
- Vira: Venezuela then?
- Ara: Venezuela... I thought this country ceased to exist since Nicola Maduro took the power.
(Petelgese stares at the communicator as loud, noisy chewing is heard over the speaker)
- Ara: (with her mouth full) You've been really quiet for like, five minutes...(loud, noisy chewing) Oh, I know why you're angry! It's because I choose Brazil, isn't it?
- Petelgeuse: My Astaroth King, Great Leader, put that psycho-girl of yours on the communicator.
- Ara: ...Really? You want to talk to- Okay, bye. Whatever. (barely audible conversation)
- Vira: 'Ello?
- Petelgeuse: Whatever you do, do not let Ara leave that country under any circumstance! The Iscariot is in Europe!
- Vira: Actually, she just left. She said she was goin' for a walk—In London...
- Petelgeuse: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
- Ara: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!
- Lucious: A vampire-hunter!
- Ara: Oh great but do I have the face of Edward Cullen?
- Ara: A cold and harsh winter is coming towards the MPS Base? Aw, I am worrying about CM. After the birth of Tomas, he had been inside his lab for several days looking for a way to crush those resistence, and I must take care of him. The winter is coming and it would be extremely cold, under minus 40 degrees celcius. We must prepare sweater, scarf, gloves and ear plug... right, also jeans. If he eats too much of animal meat, it will cause him in an unbalanced health! We need to prepare fish, vegetable, fruit, rice and bread in his daily diet. Does CM eats pasta?
- Aryana: Yes, he liked to eat maraconi combined with ketchup, ham and human blood.
- Ara: Very well, now make preperations and find more prisoners to take their blood. Make it in the palace and take it to him while still heated!
- Vira: On my list. Is there anything else needed?
- Michael: Ahh... -_-
- Ara: What is it?
- Michael: Your Majesty, I though we agreed to make CM to deal with his own business and find him when he has free time. There is so much left to do, including my training on the young Tomas. The schedule is full, and all you need to do is pray for him to be successful in his work. According to all I saw in so many years, a woman being so gossip like you will be dumped! Besides, as the Anti-Christs of All Anti-Christs in demonic clan, how would you take so much care on a simple robot--
(Michael was interrupted when Ara beated him and stepped on his head)
- Ara: (serious) Already know that! In order to avoid from disturbing CM, I will send my underlings to do the job! Spare me from your sermon.
- Petelgeuse: Milady, please don't be mad.
(Ara blushed and had her hair shined while still stepping Michael's head)
- Ara: When the harsh winter was over, spring will come! Prepare for the spring suit for CM!
- Vira: Understand that. I'll do so.
- Ara: (stopped stepping Michael) Now, we must prepare for another bloodsheding onslaught! I will use human blood as a Christmas gift for my dear husband!
- Ara's cultists: Yes!
- Michael: (stood up) Outrageous... At least, I am also the one who helped in this foundation...
(Suddenly, Michael closed his eyes and saw a vision of Maria slaughtering demons from the back line)
- Aryana: What happened, Michael?
- Michael: It was Maria Arzonia again! She is still out there, tearing our supporting group apart and plundering our supply. Soon enough, there will be no materials or food for us to go through this winter if we don't take any actions!
- Vira: What?
- Abyss Zurg: That brat again?
(People inside the palace were shocked by the news, but Ara was still smiling and blushing while thinking of CM)
- Michael: MILADY ARA! ARE YOU LISTENING!?
- Ara: Ahh~ CM~ As long as the little queen in this place think of you, her heart shall pounced out from her exploded chest! I will spread this love to you as soon as possible~ Ha!~ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
- Michael: (facepalm) Awwww...... (=_=) |||
- Vira: Besides, he's far from my type of man, Astaroth! First, Unit-CM 130--Zalkron... he seems to be of absolutely decent character. He never angers toward anyone. He works hard and was strong enough to achieve knighthood at the earliest age on record.
- Michael: That sounds pretty good to me.
- Vira: How?! If you're a noble, you should act like one, with a vulgar grin on your face at all times! What exactly is that pure, focused gaze of his?! I want something more... [points to CM] Like what CM always does, when he looks at me as if he's licking me all over with his gaze!
- Zelkron: I-I-I do not look at you that way!
- Ara: Darling...
- Vira: [mockingly] He never angers?! [sweeps arm, almost hitting Michael] What a moron! Using a maid's mistakes to subject her to all kinds of punishment is what nobles are supposed to do! [close-up to Vira's face]
- Vira: Besides, the type I like is the polar opposite of such a competent man! [gestures grandly] He's not particularly attractive and can be either scrawny or fat. [hugs herself] He needs to be weak-willed enough that, despite my love for him, he's easily strung along by another woman's affection. [blushes as she fantasizes] Someone who's in rut all year round— the more perverse, the better! [opens eyes] A failure at life, who tries to take the easiest route possible! And if he's in debt, that'd be even better! Then he could drink all day and never work, and complain that it's society's fault he's a loser! [mimics swing] He'd throw an empty bottle at me while saying... "Hey, Vira Why don't you use that naughty and lewd body of yours to earn us some cash?" [gushes and pants]
- Zelkron: Damn it all! This girl is completely hopeless!
- Michael: For the first time I agree with you, Vira. [shakes her hand]
- Ara: Enough of this! Vira, get out now! I'll beat the shit out of you later! I have to talk with Zelkron now!
- Vira: I can't! Astaroth King! If you beat me... YOU'LL KILL THE BABY INSIDE OF ME! [looks at Zelkron (CM) with a blush]
- Ara: Ohh... So this is true, darling? [the earth starts to shake as Ara powers up and is surrounded by a purple aura]
- Zelkron: Y-YOU GOT WRONG! SAY SOMETHING, VIRA!
- Vira: Our baby will be a girl. [Vira answers with a blush while Michael and the others escaped from the room]
- Ara: ZELKRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [sounds of bones breaking and explosions echoed through the castle]
- Vira: Something about that psychotic, raging blood lust seems familiar. That robot is... IS... is kinda HOT.
- Ara: Not again...
- Vira: All right, let's get this over with. I have a Goddess to betray.
- Ara: I'm right here you bitch!
- Vira: Love you too Astaroth King!
- Ara: You're sure an insect.
(Ara coughing out blood for calling Maria an insect.)
- Ara: Excuse me, I misspoke, you piece of shit.
- Maria: Were you that desperate to correct yourself?
(When Ara got amnesia after days working hard to rule Astaroth Empire and had Zelkron (CM) taking her to the hospital)
- Ara: Zelkron! Zelkron is okay?!
- Zelkron: DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE IN A HOSPITAL, YOU DUMBASS!
- Ara: YOU TOO, YOU AUTISTIC!!
- Vira: YOU TWO STOP! AND SAME GOES FOR ME!
- Nnoitra: Hey, what can I do to help?
- Ara: Go away?
- Nnoitra: THAT'S JUST MEAN!!!
- Abraham Van Helsing: Vampire Queen... you lay upon the blood-soaked dirt of your ruined land. Castles plundered, dominions in ruin, servants destroyed, all to end the hellfire with which you sought to cover the world. A bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of thousands, countless villages razed to the ground, and over twenty thousand impaled and prostrated by you and you alone, to strike horror into the hearts of mortal men! WHAT SAY YOU, MONSTER! DEMON! DEVIL CONCEIVED BY THE BLEAKEST WOMB! WHAT SAY YOU NOW!?
- Ara: ...The Aristocrats.
- Hellsing: Grrr...(stakes Ara)
"Ain't it funny how the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind your car, Dr. Jobe."
"You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera... Where are you in this photo, Kotori Itsuka?"
"Whenever you get mad because you lost your leg, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate."
"As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought "Dogs are easily amused." Them I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail."
"If you force sex on a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting?"
- Ara: Where do you send a Jew with ADHD?
- Imperia: I don't know...
- Ara: A Concentration camp!
- Imperia: That was not funny!!
- Ara: Like your life. Boring as hell...
"Snooki is so short and orange that she works part time as a traffic cone."
"I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds."
- Momonga: Haha, you failed!
- Ara: Yeah, so did your dad's condom.
- Isis: *stares at Ara for 30 sec*
- Ara: What you looking at?
- Isis: I don't know! Something ugly!
- Ara: I ain't no mirror!
- Leohart: Where the hell is your report?!
- Ara: It committed suicide, had too many problems.
- Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Ara Astaroth...
- Ara: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
- Brother Blood: I'm so sorry... Forgive her.
- Momonga: Why are you here in my mansion without my permission?
- Ara: Because Leohart told me to go to Hell...
"I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep." Bitch you need to hibernate."
- Idea of Evil: [WHY YOU REFUSED TO STUDY MY PLANS?!! IF YOU HAD KNOWLEDGE OF MY TRUE VISION, WE COULD HAVE DESTROYED THE LAST RESISTENCE IN LESS THAN 2 SECONDS! I'M GOING TO BURN YOU TO ASHES!!]
- Ara: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. My work as ruler of the omniverse take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.
- Idea of Evil: [..........................]
- Petelgeuse: Milady, I know you need rest but you should consider to stop watching TV, and read more to keep your brain active!
- Ara: *turns on subtitles*
- Magilou: Revive Karma!! This is my wish!!
- Ara: Why do I have to revive him if he is going to die again one day?
- Magilou: Why do you wipe your ass if you going to shit again?! Obey me!
- Ara: Do not worry! Devils and demons don't poop!
- Magilou: What...
- Katya: Did you shoot this man?! This innocent man!
- Ara: No, a bullet shot him, and bullets are made of lead, and lead comes from the ground, and ground is a part of nature. He died of natural causes. Cased Closed, Sherlock Homes!
- Queen Kim Soon: The United States is a threat to our country... The KnightWalkers were always right! They planned to destroy us and enslave our political system! But I'll show them again like we did during the World War III's first night! I'll invade their country again and make them bow down to me with my own hands! I need more nukes! More H-Bombs to achieve this!
- Ara: If the body of your father, Kim Jong-Un, is intact, you may use it as a supernova bomb to destroy USA. The only way you will win this war is if your bombs are heavier than he is.
- Queen Kim Soon: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY SUPREME FATHER?!!
- Ara: Try eating all food from North Korea like he did! You might destroy USA with your "own hands" if you drop yourself there! Pff...
"The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize."
- Ara: When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
- Zelkron: Only the shower then...
- Ara: Then why you still attempts to rape me everytime you have an emotional attack?
"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera."
"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it."
- DestroyerSubjugator: "How many CIS Productions writters does it need to screw in a light bulb?" What kind of question is that?
- Ara: Just one! But it'll take 5 months!
- Ara: The principal iof the Underworld academy is so dumb!
- Demon Girl: Do you know who I am?
- Ara: No...
- Demon Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
- Ara: Do you know who I am?
- Demon Girl: No...
- Ara: Good! *walks away*
- Ara (watching a video): Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say you will love him! No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, she actually did it! What a dumb ass!
- Black Tomas: Superior Mother, why you so mad? What are you watching?
- Ara: Your birthday video.
- Zelkron: Failed slut.
- Ara: I been called worse.
- Zelkron: Like what?
- Ara: Your wife.
(Katarina and the Rogues watches them fighting like a couple)
- Asuha: I wonder if someday I'll be able to fight my husband like that. I hate them, but I think it is so cute.
(At the studios of CIS Productions, Ara is about to enter in the stage as the main antagonist while Sequined Sadist, the true villain of the story is behind her.)
- Sequined: Ara, you better prove yourself as a good antagonist who end this story with a bad ending or rather forget that I'm your grand-mother!
- Ara: Sure granny! Whatever!
(After Madness Sub Arc ends)
- Sequined: How was your role?
- Ara: Who the hell are you?
(Katarina is heard shouting on the background)
- Katarina: The power of protagonism is invicible!!
- Ara: I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bitch.
- Vira: Ugh! I thought Black Demons don't poop!!!! GUYS! ASTAROTH KING ACTUALLY CAN POO--!
- Ara: NOOOOOOO!!!!!
- Ara: Hello, Shen. I need a favor from you. You see, since I just recently turned CM into a Black Demon, now he has a human body so I need to learn how male human body works. If you can help me in this research, I'll reward you by doing my best to remember your name. First I need learn how exactly the male bodies react when they wake up after a night of sleep.
- Shen: Sure Astaroth Queen. Well, when men wakse up their brain is always like "Oh f*ck."
- Ara: What?
- Shen: Then, our body is like "Don't get up."
- Ara: I don't understand!
- Shen: Then our masculinity is "THIS IS SPARTAA!!!"
- Ara: ....... Hell...
- Ara: Do you smell that?
- Servant: No, Astaroth Queen.
- Ara: Yeah, me neither, start cooking.
- Ara: To do list: 1. Buy a sword! Check!
- Ara: 2. Name it Kindness! Check!
- Ara: 3. Kill people with Kindness! I'm about to do it right now.
"Do you kow de whey of de deval?"
LOTM: Los Reina de Corázones[]
Astaroth Hell Saga[]
Rebellion Saga[]
Black Mask Saga[]
Empire's Wrath Saga[]
The Mask of Black[]
Black Raven Saga[]
Sith Saga[]
Multi-Universe War Arc[]
Cold War Arc[]
Hades Saga[]
Saga Focus[]
Aftermatch[]
Triggers Hell Saga[]
Fire Arc[]
Hell Arc[]
Final Countdown Arc[]
LOTM: A Draw of Kings[]
Scars Arc[]
Genocide Arc[]
Fallen Gem Arc[]
Katarina's Memories[]
The Fallen's Arc[]
LOTM: The Phoenix on the Sword[]
Exploration Arc[]
Longinus Dreizehn Orden Arc[]
Last Man Standing[]
LOTM: Destiny[]
Squad Arc[]
Ara's Legacy Arc[]
The New War Arc[]
Dark Empires Arc[]
The Final Decision (Final Saga of Storyline)[]
Non-Canons[]
LOTM: Sword on Crack[]
- Penguin: If you ever wanna see your friends again, count to 10!
- Eckidina: 1,3,5,7,9
- Penguin: 'HOW ABOUT THE EVEN NUMBERS!?
- Eckidina: I can't even!
- Misogi: Karma! Hurry up! Double time! Kano really screwed the pooch on this one!
- Kano: General Misogi, Azul's really giving us a pounding!
- Misogi: I'm coming Kano! Quick, grab my Balls!
- Elliot: Yancha!? You left Yancha here!?
- Karen: Well, I thought he could handle it.
- Elliot: Yancha couldn't handle a shot of Raspberry Schnaps, much less DEM!
- Darth Hades: I'm curious. Where exactly are you from?
- Sephiria: We are fro--
- La Folia: Sephiria! NO!
- Sephiria: Oh yeah... my bad... I almost--
- Katarina: We are from Earth.
- Sephiria: Katarina! WHY!?
- Katarina: Because I don't give a f*ck.
- Darth Hades: Oh, good. I'll stop by there on the way home; pick up some space eggs, some space milk and BLOW IT THE F*CK UP! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm usually far more composed. I'm just a little bit absolutely livid.
- Bosk: Racist!
- Prime Reaper AI-78: Well, maybe so, because I'm this nazi group. But I can't quite be a racist against a race that doesn't exist. Like the Twistks. Dirty money-grubbing Twistks. Tried to twist me right out of my money. Blew those little bastards up is what I did.
Jack the Freezer: I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the space boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way in, because everybody's inbred and LOOKS THE F*CKING SAME! Not to mention I lost TX 20 and R2 D2, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, WHO, I AM CONVINCED, IS NAMED CHUCK!!
- Mine: When I grow up, I'll go to the moon.
- Frieza: What!? Wait *punch Mine to the moon*
- Fallen Angel: Lord Leohart!
- Leohart: Hmm?
- Fallen Angel: Darth Hades He has been... killed!
- Leohart: Oh, is that right? And who killed him?
- Fallen Angel: It was the... Alliance of Freedom!
- Leohart: Well, I sure hope somebody picks up that phone.
- Fallen Angel: The what?
- Leohart: Because I f**king called it!
- Katarina: So, you return once again, Echidna.
- Mana: Eckidina.
- Katarina: Eckidina.
- Eckidina: Yes, I have returned, dumbass.
- Katarina: Katarina.
- Eckidina: Dumbass.
- Katarina: You cowardly killed my sister in front of me and yet you think are the badass here?!
- Aki Honda: I ain't choose Thug Life. Thug Life choose me.
- Adolf Hilter: Enough with nazi jokes. They make me fuhrerious. Try it.
- The Fallen: [Enough with DEM jokes. They make me Fallrious. That's horrible! Why can't I be just like you?!]
- Adolf Hilter: Real life always wins.
- Jacobo: Well, I could have gotten here sooner, but I stopped on my way to plow YOUR mother! ]
- Misogi: He was a transvestite.
- Jacobo:.........
- Katarina: Hey! You! What year is it?
- Cupa: 200.325.268.203 according to the calender of Minecraftia.
- Katarina: B.C. or A.D?
- Cupa: The hell are those?
- Katarina: I’m in the f***ing past.
- Katarina: If my luck was food for ghosts, they would starve.
- Moloch: Forget your lack of luck, your luck itself killed me.
