LOTM: Sword of Kings - MAD Collection (Volume 1)

 LOTM: Sword of Kings

 MAD Special Episode

 Episode 2

 Previous Special Episode: LOTM: Sword of Kings Crack



What if Sonia Nevermind was a Disney Princess
 Novosic Kingdom 

 Germany 

 08:23 AM 



*birds singing*

''Ahh... Novosic Kingdom. Kingdom of Novoselic is a small European monarchy. It is Sonia Nevermind's home country.''

''Novosic is an extremely small country governed by an absolute monarchy. Though the population is small, its economy is thriving, so the people of the country can live comfortable lives.''

''Right now, in the Royal Castle, a beautiful blonde haired girl was walking towards the main gate and opened the door. The sun's rays reached her white skin. The sky was blue with several beautiful clouds.''



''The bird started flying around Sonia. Sonia stretched her shoulders and looked at the birds.''

- Sonia: Oh, birds!



Sonia smiled and walked towards the city....

"..............."

(- Narrator: So beautiful...)

''Sonia... Started singing like any character from Disney...''

''- Sonia:  ♪ At sunset I ran through the village! ♪''

Sonia walked through the village.

''- Sonia: ♪ Glowing in the twilight and so quiet! That's quiet because most people die of a plague caused by mosquitos! Let the Zika flow! ♪ ''



A man burning a ton of dead bodies appears on the background.

''- Several Voices (Background):  ♪ You plunged our peaceful country in war and destruction! ♪ ''

''- Sonia: ♪ I wandered through the village and I think that my life is something dear! As I stopped to rest and cough up blood of the dinner! I wonder when I'll find my prince! Ahh... ♪ ''

Sonia cough blood of her cannibal dinner.

''- Several Voices (Background):  ♪ You're a tyrant barbie girl with alarmingly fascist ideas! ♪ ''

''- Sonia: ♪ I wandered through the village and saw aborted fetus! Crying like living babies! Rats eating fingers of homeless people! ♪ ''

*cries of babies on the ground*

''- Sonia: ♪ I wandered through the village and noticed everyone but me has found a love! Like this old man and his daughter-wife! 9-years old and pregnant of her 3own father! ♪''



Sonia left singing and left the old man laughing.

''- Several Voices (Background):  ♪ You're a monster! Sonia Nevermind! ♪ ''

''- Sonia: ♪ The love smell of dead bodies is on the air! I wandered through the village and saw a statue of Christ with hands of heretic! ♪ ''

''- Several Voices (Background):  ♪ You sold our nation to a nazi genocidal corporation! ♪ ''

''- Sonia: ♪ The capital of Novosic Kingdom is beautiful like Disney Land! Ohhh! I wonder if there is a place better than this! Ohhhh! ♪ ''



''- Sonia: ♪ Oh! When I'll find my prince? At sunset I wandered through the village and saw 20 making love with their wife in the middle of the street! She was screaming and crying in happiness! ♪ ''

''- Several Voices (Background):  ♪ You're a mean one! Sonia Nevermind! ♪ ''

''A woman being... appears in front of Sonia as she was passing by. Sonia saw 3 jews begging for money and decided to approach them''

''- Sonia: Oh! Look everyone! It's my friends from the forest! The Jews! Hello Jews! You know, I never did ask you. Why did you live in the forest?''



- Jew 1: Bla Bla Bla!

''- Sonia: Oh, I see! You hide from the people trying to kill you! Well, that's very sassy my little friends!''

''Sonia gave 9 golds coins to the Jews. The jews started to eat the coins.''

''- Sonia: Tell me. Have you ever had a dream in your thought it wouldn't come true?!''

- Jew 2: Bla Bla Bla!

''- Sonia: Oh, I see! Your dream is the people won't kill you!''

''The Jews started to run when they saw guards running towards them with guns. Sonia watched them running away.''

''- Sonia: Well, that's defenitely a dream that will never come true! Goodbye, goodbye! JEWS  ''



''- Several Voices (Background):  ♪ You wiped out our population! ♪ ''

''- Sonia: ♪ If I found my prince, we will have a wedding elegant and expansive! I'll make a cake of rotten meat and horse vagina! Drinking blood and torturing dogs! If I found my prince, the castle will filled with love and happiness! ♪ ''

''- Several Voices (Background):  ♪ You approved rape and pedophile in our country! ♪''

''- Sonia: ♪ And he fill me with his seed! And give birth to a Second Adolf Hitler and die right after!!! I wandered trhough the village seeking answers! But love hasn't give any answer! He could be in the torture chamber or in this car of baby corpsies! Oh! When I'll find my PRINCE!!! ♪''



''- Sonia: Where are you... Ahh... ''❤❤❤

"Do You Have a Moment..."


On a quiet night in Paris, the new Goddess of the world was spreading her word across country.

*clap* *clap*

''Right now, in front of a house a teenage boy wearing black clothes was clapping in front of a house to call the person inside to outside. His name is Misogi Kumagawa.''

The door opened revealing the detective Tenma Kenzo, Kyouko Kirigiri's friend who helped in Jack the Ripper case a year ago.



- Misogi: Good night, my friend!

- Tenma: Good night!

- Misogi: Do you have a moment to hear a word from Eckidina KnightWalker?

- Tenma: Who?

''Tenma noticed there was... A beautiful mature woman beside Misogi. She was like a TRUE Goddess... A Goddess of Evil to be precise.''

- Misogi: Eckidina, my mistress next to me.

''Eckidina waved and smiled. Tenma was no conviced, he knows how Eckidina is and that woman is NOT Eckidina at all.''



- Tenma: Who's this woman?

''- Misogi: This woman is Eckidina... She suffered a little change in the appearance when she turned herself in a Spirit.''

- Tenma: Spirit?



Misogi ignored his question.

''- Misogi: Eckidina is a salvior. Eckidina is a messiah and she has a friendly word to share with you in the night, in your shitty life.''

''- Tenma: No, I don't have a shitty life. I am Christian and I believe Jesus Christ. And I am doing well. Thank you.''

Tenma was about to close the door when Misogi stopped him.

- Misogi: But it happens that different from your guy, Eckidina is alive.

- Tenma: So what?

- Misogi: She can save you, brother.

- Tenma: Save from whom?

''- Misogi: Save from herself! You don't wanna to see Eckidina's fury.''

- Tenma: You're telling me this woman is Jesus Christ?

Misogi's eyes widened and Eckidina shook her head.



''- Misogi: No! No way! For Eckidina's sake! No way.''

- Eckidina: For my sake!

''- Misogi: Your sake! Eckidina is more... She is so much. She is more... Complete!''

- Tenma: More complete?

Tenma said that sarcastically.

''- Misogi: Listen, Jesus walks with two apostles. Eckidina walks with a corporation! Lots of rapists! Jesus resuscitates the dead. Eckidina de-resuscitates the living! It's a unique job! Jesus, carpenter. Eckidina, dancer of DJ Khaled's club!''

- Tenma: You're saying that Eckidina is a dancer of DJ Khaled?

- Eckidina: Except for sunday.

''- Misogi: Eckidina, Eckidina here. She has 100 GB Internet, she has Nextel, a cellphone with 4 SIM Cards, you can use any carrier and talk with her for free. You can watch her nude photos in Tumblr...''

- Tenma: By what you said about Eckidina, I don't want to judge, but from what you said about Eckidina she has no good miracles.

- Misogi: Oooohhh!



Eckidina laughed.

- Misogi: When your God did pay your 700$ game debt?

- Eckidina: --I did it.

- Tenma: --He has never paid.

- Misogi: When your God set up your cable TV with acess to full content, Netflix, FOX, Cartoon Network, Adult Channel, Disney XD, Sex Hot, Playboy...

''- Tenma: --No, never... He's never done it.''

- Misogi: When did he park Eckidina's anime-girl car at your door with your wife tied in there?!

- Tenma: My wife is i---!!



''Tenma's eyes widened and looked at the anime car parked beside them. Tenma tried to run towards the car but Misogi and Eckidina stopped him.''

- Misogi: Do you believe in Eckidina now?!

''- Tenma: Ok, ok. I believe! I do! I'll give Eckidina a chance!''

Misogi and Eckidina raised their hands like if they were hailing some dictator.

- Misogi: --Hallelujah!

- Eckidina: --Hallelujah!

- Tenma: --Hallelujah!

Stutterer
 Raizen High School Trip   Zoo 



''Raizen High School has a variety of special activities. One day, Tamae Okamine decided to send her entire class to the zoo.''

Another important fact about Tamae Okamine, she is stutters when some terrible situation is about to happen.

''Tamae was walking through the zoo while the students were walking behind her. Tamae looked back and saw something coming in the direction of her class. Tamae immediately got scared and tried to scream.''

- Tamae: Hip, Hip!



And everyone, without understanding a word, shouted.

- Everyone: HURRAAA!

- Tamae: Hip, Hip!

Everyone shouted again without understanding the situation.

- Everyone: HURRAAA!

''Suddenly, a hippo appeared and tramples everyone. Katarina got her anus wrecked again.''

- Katarina: NOT AGAIN!!!~ ♥ ♥ ♥

Hell Is Heaven
 Hell 



''Somewhere in Hell... The dimension where all evil people are sent to suffer for all eternity. In Hell... that looks like a Strip Club... A sinner who died in Earth approached a man with horns sitting in the darkness looking at all women dacing in front of him.''

The sinner walked towards the unknown and called for him.

''- Sinner: Hi, excuse me. What is this place?''



''The man seated looked at him with red evil yes. The name of that man with horns is Sadao Mao, the Demon King!''

- Sadao: You died.

Sadao smiled as he was speaking some joke.

- Sinner: What?

''- Sadao: Welcome to Hell! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!''

- Sinner: Is this hell?

The sinner looked around only to see hundreds of sexy demon girls dancing.

''- Sadao: Ahh... What's your name dear?''

Sadao took a list next to his chair and looked for the name of the sinner.



- Sinner: It's Pedro Aguiar.

The sinner revealed his name.

''- Sadao: Pedro Aguiar... Let's see what you did on Earth to be here... You banged your sister-in-law, you lied copiously... You beat your dog... You spanked children...''

- Pedro: But wait a sec---

Sadao interrupted Pedro.

''- Sadao: Shut up! Shut up! You'll experience the martyrdoom of hell's flames! Michelle!''

A woman seated next to Sadao stood up and walked towards Pedro.



- Michelle: Hi~

Michelle hugged Pedro.

- Sadao: Suck his dick.

Pedro looked at Sadao in panic.

- Pedro: What?!

- Sadao: Michelle will burn you in hot marble where not even the sulfur can breathe.

- Pedro: Sucking my dick?

''- Sadao: Exactly. For ALL eternity!''



- Pedro: Wow, that's a long time, right?

- Sadao: Oh, and without condom.

- Pedro: Oh yeah?

- Sadao: Uh-Hun.

- Pedro: So I should start paying those sins now...

''- Sadao: I don't know if I liked your tone... You think it's not enough?''

''- Pedro: No... I think it's too much...''

''- Sadao: Well, but you'll suffer more! Potira, pay attention!''



''Another woman behind them came from nowhere and hugged Pedro. Her name is Potira.''

- Potira: Hi, how are you?

''- Pedro: Good... What Potira will do to me?''

- Sadao: Potira will drag you through the most obscures place of Triggers Hell's 7th Floor...

- Pedro: And how Potira will do it?

Pedro was looking at her boobs all the time.

- Sadao: Licking will your humble scrotum!

Pedro looked at Sadao trying to hide his pleasure like if it was a horrible punishment.

''- Pedro: Whoa... What an unpleasent punishment...''

Sadao swung his hands several to take him away.



''- Sadao: You can leave now. Take him, girls. HAHAHAHAHAHA!''

Just as they were leaving, Pedro stopped the girls and tried to hold Sadao's arm.

- Pedro: Excuse me, Mr. Devil but---

Sadao removed his hand from his arm.

- Sadao: DON'T TOUCH ME!

''- Pedro: Sorry, Mr. Devil... I don't know if it's in your report there... But I stole some pens when I was at school.''

- Sadao: Let me see.

Sadao took the book list again and reviewed his sins.



- Pedro: Pens...

Pedro looked in the list alongside Sadao.

- Sadao: Nope, nothing here.

- Pedro: Are you sure?

- Sadao: Not here.

Sadao said that as he was reading his sins but he found nothing in there.

- Pedro: Anyway, just keep that in mind...

As Pedro was saying his words to Sadao, the Demon King dropped the book list and yelled at Pedro.

''- Sadao: -- You idiot!! Look what you just did!''

Pedro looked at Sadao in confusion.

- Pedro: What I did?

''- Sadao: You confessed your sin! I'll have to release you!''

- Pedro: What do you mean with "release"?

''- Sadao: You're free to go! You're going up to Heaven! Girls, get out! Leohart will kill me if I let him here for too long.''

The two girls that were hugging Pedro left after Sadao said that.



''- Pedro: No, no! Wait a minute! I've killed pigeons! I'm Justin Bieber's fan! I voted for---''

''Before he could notice... Pedro was teleported to another place. In just a second, the Club in Hell vanished as he popped out in another place. He looked around and saw nothing but a white background.''

''Pedro noticed a man wearing white clothes beside him. It was a person that looked like an angel.''

- Pedro: Where am I?

The angel replied in a soft-cool tone.



''- Pedro: In Heaven... you wanted one more girl, didn't you? Welcome, boy. Let's play.''

How Boring


A 18-year-old boy known as Kamukura Izuru, a member of the Ultimate Despair, entered one of London'd church, and as approached the confessional, he sat next to the priest and began to speak.

- Izuru: Father, I have sinned.

- Priest: Tell me your sin, my son.

''- Izuru: Father, yesterday, everyone in my home left, leaving me alone with Junko Enoshima. Then you already know the rest: we talked a bit and ended up having sex.''



''- Priest: My son, having sex before the marriage is a grave sin. Then, pray ten Our Fathers and twenty Hail Marys.''

- Izuru: How boring...

''Izuru prayed like the priest requested. In the next day, Izuru was there again.''

''- Izuru: Father, I have sinned. Yesterday, everyone in my home left, leaving me alone with our maid... We talked a little bit and ended up having sex.''



- Priest: My son, pray twenty Our Fathers and forty Hail Marys.

- Izuru: How boring..

And in the next day...

''- Izuru: Father, I have sinned. Yesterday, everyone in my home left, leaving me alone with my sister. We talked a little bit and ended up having sex again. She was virgin.''

- Priest: Pray forty Our Fathers and seventy Hail Marys.

- Izuru: How boring...

''And they went by days and days in that. One day was the aunt, the other day was the mother, on the other day the grandmother, the brother, the uncle, the father, the grandfather... Until a day...''

- Izuru: Father, I seriously need to talk with you.

''- Priest: Again?! You do not have shame?!''

''- Izuru: Father, actually... Today, everyone in my home left, leaving me alone... So I decided to come here to talk a little bit with you...''

Best Friends


''La Folia and Katarina are great friends. They're together since they children, however, the story of the two is not really nice. Both suffered so much in life then they can understand each other.''

''One day, La Folia and Katarina decided to leave Tenguu City during the vacation. La Folia bought a house in the mountain of Japan, 10 kilometers away from the japanese metropolitan state, Tenguu City.''



''When La Folia and Katarina arrived there, La Folia noticed she missed her luggage of clothes in their house in Tenguu City. La Folia opened the door of the house and turned back to Katarina standing behind her.''

''- La Folia: Katarina, I think I left my luggage of clothes back in our house. Can you go there and see that for me? You can drive right?''

- Katarina: Sure.

''Katarina left in La Folia's car. 10 hours had passed, it was already morning. Katarina opened the door of the house to see La Folia making the breakfast.''

- La Folia: So?

''- Katarina: Yep, it's there. You can go there and pick up.''

Nevermind
 Hope's Peak Academy   77th Class 

''That was the day it happened. All students of 77th class were corrupted by Junko Enoshima and became members of the Ultimate Despair... Everyone that room had insane goals for the world.''

''- Chisa: Guys... I am really glad to have been part of this class... As your teacher!''

- Peko: Thanks for everything, Chisa-sensei!



''- Owari: Hell yeah! I'm gonna eat my fill! (she will starve many people)''



''- Ibuki: I'm really glad I was brought back to this class! I lost so much time in my life during my time as a rebel in KFP! I'll use my music to make the world happy! (she will spread chaos)''



''- Saionji: I'll use my dancing to spread joy too! (she will spread suffering)''



''- Mikan: I can send wonderful medicines to all hospitals in the world! (human experiments)''



- Sonia: I'll make my country a peaceful one, with no war!



"....................."

''Chisa, the teacher of the class looked at Sonia. Everyone did the same.''

- Chisa: Sonia...

- Sonia: What?

"....................."

- Chisa: Nevermind...



"....................."

- Sonia (narrator): And this is why I became Jack the Ripper.



Crime


In a police station Tenguu City, Adam Jensen, one of many detetetives of GDP that were sent to Japan in order to solve the mysteries of Jack's murders, was seated his desk of his office staring a man in front of him in his office.

This man was a criminal who witnessed his mother-in-law being beaten by a member of Mafusa Gang but did nothing to help her.

- Adam: Then your mother-in-law was being assaulted by a gangster but you did nothing to help...

- Man: Yes...

- Adam: Why?

- Man: I was going to help, but I thought two men beating a woman would be cowardice!

KnightWalker Chamber


''Rentaro Satomi was captured by the KnightWalker Family was sent to a chamber of torture. An official Knightwalker asked what door he wanted to spend the rest of his life being tortured.''


 * He opened the first and door and saw a guy being spacing.
 * He opened the second door and saw a guy being whipped.
 * He opened the third door and saw a sexy naked KnightWalker woman with long red hair doing a blowjob to an old man tied. Rentaro's eyes widened when he noticed that woman looked like Katarina.

- Rentaro: This is the door I want to be tortured!

The official Knightwalker smiled and talked with the woman inside.

''- KnightWalker: You can come out now, honey! I found a replacement for you!''

Japanese


Azul Jissele was visiting, at the hospital, a Japanese neighbor who was a victim of a car accident 2 days ago.

''Upon entering the room, she found the Japanese man all intubated. There was medical pipes and wires and machines everywhere... She stood there beside bed seeing Japones, with eyes closed, serene, resting with all those tubes.''

At one point, suddenly the Japanese woke up with wide eyes and yelled at Azul.

- Japanese Man: SAKARO AOTA NAKAMY ANYOBA, SUSHI MASHUTA!!



After he said that, he sighned and died.

''His last words stayed recorded in Azul's mind for days. On the day of the funeral, Azul decided to go to church to give condolences to the mother of the japanese man. As she hugged the woman, she decided to ask a thing for her.''

Azul stopped hugging the woman.

''- Azul: Look, Ms. Fumiko, Sujiro... Your son, before he died, he said those words: "SAKARO AOTA NAKAMY ANYOBA, SUSHI MASHUTA!". What does that mean?''

The japanese woman know as Fumiko looked in panic at Azul and widened her eyes.

- Fumiko: It means: "TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF THE OXYGEN TUBE, SON OF A BITCH!"

Very Sneaky


- Katarina: Behind you...

List
 Tenguu City   In Front of GDP Building 



''In front of GDP Building, Izuru Kamakura, under the orders of Junko Enoshima, killed more than 200 people in the building in a hour. Izuru is a person who have all talents in the world so he is basically a omnipotent for humans. Right now, in front of the building, the president of GDP in Japan, Tom Lutso, was tied on the floor looking at Junko and Izuru in panic.''

''- Junko: Go on, Kamukura-senpai! Show me your despair!''

''Kamukura extended his hand to the GDP president to crush his skull but suddenly several people appeared beside them. They were 4 man. Junko changed her sight to the men.''



- Junko: You are...

The four man standing there are Lucas Kellan, Rentaro Satomi, Tomas Sevchenko and Jellal Fernandes.

- Izuru: KnightWalker Funeral Parlor and Global Pact Defense...

''Lucas noticed many dead bodies on the floor surrounding Izuru and Junko, they killed all those people just a few minutes ago. Lucas and the rest looked angrily at the odd "couple".''



''- Lucas: We're here to stop this senseless slaughter! Junko Enoshima! For the sake of humanity, you'll die here and now!''

Junko smiled when he said that.

- Junko: 92 times.

Tomas pointed his finger to Junko.

- Tomas: This has gone on for too long and now, you're going to pay!

- Junko: 355 times.

".................."

Everyone stared at Junko and Izuru in confusion.



- Izuru: *sigh*

- Rentaro: What are yo---!

Junko interrupted Rentaro.

''- Junko: No, go on. Continue, don't mind me.''

Rentaro continued his offensive speech awkwardly.

''- Rentaro: And... We are the ones who will stop you! Bitch!''

- Junko: 340 times.

That was the last drop of water, Rentaro and company were now confused with her reaction.

- Jellal: What the hell are you doing?!

Jellal clenched his fists.



''- Junko: Oh, sorry... It's a little hobby of mine. I hear this heroic speeches all days. So I started a mental list of how many times I heard such lines...''

"..................."

- Jellal: Y-You insane bitch!

- Junko: 190 times.

''- Jellal: Y-Yeah? We're going to... F**K YOUR FACE!''

Junko put her hands in her mouth.

''- Junko: Oh! My!............................. 12 times...''

- Jellal: ARGH!

- (???): I finally found you.

''An unknown female voice came from behind of Rentaro's group. It was Katarina Couteau. She was walking towards Junko and Izuru while bitting her lips in rage.''



''- Junko: The Red Haired Demon! Oh my~ She is so cute! It's the first time I seeing a legend with my very own eyes!''



- Izuru: ........

''- Junko: Well, as long Kamukura-senpai is here, I hve nothing to worry about. You see, I'm not a fighter. I more like the "brain", with Kamukura and Mukuro as the muscles.''

- Katarina: I don't care!

''- Junko: I know that. Anyway, it's not like you're going to survive, Couteau. So what are you going to do?''

- Katarina: Imma deck you in the schnozz!

"........................."

Junko's eyes widened.

- Junko: One time...

God Complex


''Hiragi Kureto has a serious psychological problem. Many people who work with him feel uncomfortable because of eccentric behavior and his bizarre ego. He talks about humans and the world as if he were a God. He thinks he is the chosen one to be become the next God and rewrite the world as he wishes. One day, Ibuki Mioda and Natsuki decided to take her boss to the psychiatrist.''



Entering the psychiatrist's room Hiragi lay on the sofa while the psychiatrist was sitting on the side and began to ask some questions.

- Psychiatrist: You can tell me everything from the beginning.

Suddenly, Hiragi stood up again and looked down the psychiatrist like he was some type of dog.

- Hiragi: Very well, doctor: in the beginning I created the heaven and the earth...

Friendzone


- Kazuichi Soda: Sonia-san...



Soda started to cry.

 Meanwhile in another place.



- Tanaka Gundham: That moment when a wild-naughty tyrant princess believes you're a dark magician able to use dark magic and now you're stuck with her psycho ass.

Pedo
- Mana: Hey, La Folia...

- La Folia: What?



''- Mana: Help me... HELP ME...''

Political
 Tenguu City  <p style="text-align:center;"> Kyouko Kirigiri HQ 



''In front of Kyouko's desk, Tamae Okamine is seated in a chair staring at her. Kyouko was doing her work when the police said to Tamae to enter in Kyouko's office for answer some questions.''

''- Kyouko: I read your report. Tamae Okamine, you're under arrest for leaving people die. Yesterday, a truck with many political flipped over on the runway and left many injured. Instead of helping, you used your car to go over them. You're charged for attempt murder too. Five years in prison. But before that, Tamae Okamine, why you don't helped them?''



- Tamae: Trust me, I tried to help them.

''- Kyouko: Why I should believe in that? The cameras tell another thing.''

''- Tamae: Some of them were begging for help. Some of them said: "I'm dying!", "Help me!", "My bones are broken!"... Something like that...''

- Kyouko: But why you don't helped them?

''- Tamae: Well, you never know when politicians are telling the truth!