LOTM: Sword of Kings - MAD Collection (Volume 2)

 LOTM: Sword of Kings Special

 CIS Production's Stories 

 MAD Special Episode 

 Volume 2 

' With upcoming characters and spoilers! '

' With Unit-CM 130 as well! Because this a MAD! '



 Previous MAD Volume: LOTM: Sword of Kings - MAD Collection (Volume 1) 

 Previous Crossover: LOTM: Witnesses of Sleepy Hollow & Sword of Kings Crossover - The Corbin Files

 Previous Episode: LOTM: Sword of Kings AA 2nd Season - I Love You 

 Previous Special Episode: LOTM: Sword of Kings Special: "From Hell" Letter

Lyrics
All you had to was to watch the DAMN VIDEO!

Babies
 Astaroth Empire HQ 

 Ara's Royal Castle 



''The Astaroth Empire was now in its gold era as Ara Astaroth and her insane minions conquered countless worlds, bringing death and destruction. But as Ara became the queen, she married the sick Unit-CM 130 and had a son with him, However, he is not really CM's biological son as Ara reproduce asexually.''

''Years had passed, and Ara's son, Tomas Sev, had now 8 years old and was starting to become curious about how babies are born. One day, Tomas went to his mother's room and...''

- Tomas: Mommy.

With a smile, Tomas received his mother, Ara, with happiness as the demon queen jumped from the bed.



- Ara: Yes, sweet-heart?

Ara smiled at Tomas and held his shoulder.

- Tomas: You see, I listened to my friends in school saying that they know how to make babies...

[- Narrator: This is sad reality nowadays...]

- Tomas: And so I was wondering how babies are born, can give me some hint or say it directly to me?

At that point, Ara knew that her son was growing up and was about to step in this level of maturity, however, she never had a son with CM using normal methods as she was asexual but was a female at the same time.



- Ara: Ahnn...

A blush appeared in the demon queen's face much for her embarrassment.

''- Ara: Try asking your father about it as I'm not normal myself so I cannot explain how... these things works... And you're a boy so your father can explain this better than me.''

Tomas noticed that his mother was acting wild but he ignored that.

- Tomas: Okay!

 Astaroth Empire HQ 

 CM's Laboratory 



Some minutes later, Tomas headed to CM's building, a massive laboratory built by Ara's workers to help CM in his experiments and research.

''Tomas entered in the laboratory without problems as they already knew that he was the emperor's son. ''

''Tomas entered in CM's lab and looked around only to saw dozens of bodies hanged like dead pigs. CM looked at his son at the entrance of the lab and walked towards him. For some reason, he was using a Mexican hat.''



''- Tomas: Dad... You can clean this place sometimes. Well, you see, I came here to ask about a thing... How babies are made?''

"......"

With a smile, CM held his shoulder and started to speak Mexican words for no reason.

''- CM: Estoy feliz de que usted pregunte ... O mejor, yo estaba esperando a alguien como usted aparece. ¡En vez de explicar para ti, te enseñaré! (I'm happy you asked... Or better, I was waiting for someone like you to appear! Instead of explaining it, I'll teach you how to make babies!)''



With widened eyes, Tomas almost jumped.

- Tomas: What?

CM pointed to a woman beside him, she was one of his guinea pigs and was in state of suffering.

".............."

".............."

".............."

".............."

''- CM: No way, I'm telling you... You're too young.''

''CM put his hands in his chest with a smirk. Tomas was confused and he wanted to know it badly to get friends.''

- Tomas: But my friend sai---!

''- CM: Oh, please! I know how to prevent creating babies!''

Eckidina is a Bi*ch!
 Juria's Building 

<p style="text-align:center;"> Kitchen 



''Eckidina KnightWalker was born as a prodigy child and grew up with the best of the world, the best food, best education and money to do whatever she wanted... Juria KnightWalker, her father, is the person who turned her in such a spoiled person for spoiling her too much in her life.''

''Because of this, Juria never taught her the difference between right and wrong. And so it resulted in...''

- Eckidina: Daddy.



''In the kitchen of Juria KnightWalker's building in Paris, Eckidina KnightWalker entered with a huge smile in her face. Her father was seated drinking coffee after a tiresome day in his office.''

''- Juria: What's it, Eckidina? Do you need something?''

Juria then removed his glasses and stared at Eckidina, who was for some reason putting her hands in her belly.

''- Eckidina: Guess what! I'm pregnant!''

"..........................."

A stifling silence invaded the kitchen as Eckidina stared at her father with the same smile for seconds.

- Eckidina: ...........

- Juria: ..........

Juria then threw his cup of coffee away and grabbed Eckidina's shoulder with all his strength as he face was twisted by his emotions.



- Eckidina: Daddy?!

''- Juria: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! KNIGHTWALKERS ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THEIR ADOLESCENCE! HOW THE HELL THAT HAPPENED?! WHO IS THE FATHER?''

Eckidina then closed her eyes and a drop of sweat fell in her forehead.

- Eckidina: I don't know who is the father, you never let me date anyone.

Rentaro's Son
<p style="text-align:center;"> Raizen High School

<p style="text-align:center;"> 34th Classroom



''A teacher from Raizen High School was asking children what made them happy as a part of his class, but one day, the son of Katarina and Rentaro went to the class. However, their son inherited many parts of Katarina's personality.''

- Teacher: What make you guys happy?

One by one, the children rose their hands.

- Little Idiot: Candies!

- Nerd: Games!

- Mini Rentaro: Naked woman!



Everyone were shocked with the answer of the mini Rentaro but the teacher was even more dissapointed with him.

''- Teacher: Mini Rentaro, I'll talk to your father tomorrow in secretary. I'll give you a warning and I better see your and your responsables tomorrow.''

Everyone laughed at Mini Rentaro, leaving the boy sad and scared.

And so, the day had passed...

<p style="text-align:center;"> One day later 



''Finally, Mini Rentaro was waiting for his teacher in the secretary. The director was seated in front of Mini Rentaro was was waiting for the teacher from his classroom as well.''

".....!!!!"

''Suddenly, the door opened and the teacher entered with a smirk. He looked around and couldn't saw Katarina or Rentaro.''

''- Director: So... What is this about, teacher?''



The director stared at the teacher as he extended his arm and gave the written warning to Rentaro's teacher.

- Teacher: What's this...

The teacher started to read the letter that was written by Katarina and Rentaro.

- Teacher: "Dear Director, I was informed about the incident between my son and his teacher. I ask you to fire this teacher for a man that does not get happy for seeing a naked woman is a bad influence for my child and I want him to stay away from my son." 

<p style="text-align:right;">- Katarina Couteau

The Fat Neighbor


''One day, in a beautiful morning, Imperia's daughter entered in the house crying like a little baby. Imperia saw that and decided to ask what happened with her, looking straigth at her arm, she saw that her skin was red like if something had slapped her.''

- Imperia: Sweet heart, what happened?

Imperia hugged her as Mini-Imperia (that's her name in the MAD) and let her cry in her chest.

- Mini-Imperia: The next door neighbor beat me for playing football in front of her house and called me an annoying bitch!



''As many people know, Imperia is a woman who never let something bad pass without punishment, mainly when her loved ones are the victims. At the same moment, Imperia left her house burning in wrath, she always hated her neighbor anyway.''

''Upon arriving in her house, Imperia knocked her door to the point that she almost took it down. The fat and old neighbor of Imperia opened the door with a disgusting expression.''

- Imperia: YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE RIGHT?!

''- Neighbor: YES, I KNOW! IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT LITTLE BITCH, SHE CALLED ME A FAT PIG!''

''It turns out that Mini-Imperia lied, but that was normal. Yet, with a sharped eyes, Imperia answered.''

- Imperia: AND YOU THINK BEATING MY DAUGHTER WILL HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT?!

Double Magikazaam


Magilou, a light-magician was making a magic show in Spain to a small public on the middle of a park.

After she wasted all her money in hentai dolls, Magilou needed to make money to survive and so magic shows as the only thing she knew how to do.

In Spanish, the magician had a magical show and decided that should end that show with her magic trick.

''- Magilou: Ahora, para cerrar este espectaculo, voy a contar hasta tres y yo desaparecer! Cierren sus ojos (Now, to end this show, I'll count to three and I'll make myself dissapear! Close your eyes!)''



''She says she will disappear after counting to three. She starts to count as everyone closed their eyes.''

''- Magilou: Un, dos… Kazaam! ''

''Before Magilou could count to three, she vanished. When everyone opened their eyes, the only they saw was a yellow car full of money and noticed their wallets were gone.''

- Magilou: AS I VANISHED YOUR WALLETS AND MYSELF, I'LL GET ALL OF THIS AS DOUBLE PAYMENT!

Kureto's Execution


''The day has finally come... The day that Kureto Hiragi would pay for his crimes with his life. After Kureto's defeat by the hands of Azul Jissele, he was arrested by the forces of GDP and was taken to justice.''

''On the day of his execution on the building of Peace Foundation, Kureto was tied up in an eletric chair on the middle of an empty room while countless military officers were watching his execution outside of the room. As the execution was about to start, a priest entered in the room with a bibly in his arms.''

- Priest: Do you have any last words, Mr. Kureto Hiragi?

''The Priest asked Kureto with respect as he opened his Bibly. But Kureto giggled in happiness.''

''- Kureto: Hahaha! Don't waste your time, Father! I'm going to meet God soon! Do you have any words for him? I'll tell him!''

Demon's Names


''One day, Leohart the Prince of Hell, had problems with his vision and went to the Ophthalmologist to have tests with his vision because the ruler of Hell needs to inflict fear in everyone, Gods, Demons and Angels. It'll be awkward if the devil wear glasses when judging a lost soul.''

Upon arriving in the office of the ophthalmologist, Leohart seated in a chair at the end of the office while the doctor with Gandalf-beard style stared at him with boredom.

- Doctor: Can you read what is written in this card?

In a small white card that the doc showed to Leohart, there were a few words like:

<p style="text-align:center;"> C Z J W I 

<p style="text-align:center;"> N O S T A C Z 

Leohart, with confidence, answered.

- Leohart: 'If I can read it? Obviously I can! Actually, I even know this guy from Hell'!

Tom Bucky Meeting with Brazil Minister


''One day, months prior the beginning of World War III, the leaders of the nations of America had a meeting with all the presidents of all countries of North American, Central America and South America. ''

''Upon arriving in the meeting, the president of Brazil with all his ministers noticed that the Minister of Peace from United States came to the meeting. Minutes later, the president of Brazil walked towards Tom Bucky, the president of United States at the year of 2036 with a sarcastic expression.''

- Brazil President: Mr. President, why the Minister of Peace came when your country always wage wars and conflict around the world?

Tom Bucky, without showing importance, stared at the president of Brazil.

- Tom: Your country has no Education and you brought the Minister of Education, and I'm not laughing about it.

Ara's Hobby
''Ara Astaroth has many hobbies, but her favorite one is buying things on Internet... Such as...''



With a pervert smile, Ara searched for Katarina's dakimakura pillow and was about to finish her business there.



With a [click], Ara's eyes started to bright in red as she bought that dakimakura.



<p style="text-align:center;">' - Ara: Glorious... '

Darth Hades' Villain Class
After a few problems in the CIS Production's School for Villains, a Big Bad was sent to the class to teach the name villains how to be the bad guys and turns out Darth Hades was chosen by Prime ShockWaveTX

''On the class, Darth Hades was trying to make use of his psychology courses. He started his class by saying:''

- Hades: Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!

''After a few seconds, Jeanne stood up. With widened eyes, Darth Hades smiled maliciously knowing that an idiot fell in his trick.''

- Hades: Do you think you're stupid, Jeanne?

- Jeanne: No, sir, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!

I don't wanna go!


''In Liberty City, an american soldier from Global Pact Defense known as Tarma Roving ran up to a nun in front of a church. ''

Out of breath Tarma asked.

''- Tarma: Please, may I hide under your skirt!? I'll explain later!''

The nun agreed and shook her head without saying a world.

A moment later two military police ran up and asked the nun.

- Police Officer: Sister, have you seen a soldier with yellow jacket and black sun glasses?!

The nun replied and pointed her finger to the left side.

- Nun: He went that way.

After the MPs ran off, Tarma crawled out from under her skirt.



''- Tarma: I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to World War III, I have fought with the KnightWalker Family in Cold War III and I've seen enough of war....''

''The nun let out a sign. ''

- Nun: I understand completely.

Tarma soldier added.

- Tarma: I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!

- Nun: 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to World War III either!'

How Bill became a KnightWalker Assassin


''The KnightWalker Family had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, Daniel Linderman, a high-officer KnightWalker took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. ''

''- Daniel: We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her.''

Daniel said.

''- Man 1: You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.''

''- Daniel: Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.''

''The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ''



- Man 2: I tried, but I can't kill my wife.

The agent said.

''- Daniel: You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.''

''Finally, the last man known as Bill Williamson was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood Will, wiping the sweat from his brow. ''

''- Bill: Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks. I had to strangle that bitch to death.''

Wataru's Mother in Law


''Months later after the end of the battle of Liberty City, the Captain of ISA and commander of GDP, Captain Wataru, also known by his original name, Yuuji Kazami, married Sanada, a hot woman from KnightWalker Funeral Parlor Command. ''

''1 year later, he traveled with Sanada and his mother-in-law to Jerusalem. Arriving there, an Sanada's mother could not bear an emotion of knowing the Holy Land, and had a heart attack and died.''

Sanada, sad for her loss, wanted to fund a funeral for her in Jerusalem, the place where that she always wanted to live.



After taking the necessary steps, the couple talked about moving the body back to United States, that would cost 10,000 dolars.

''- Sanada: Honey, if you want to know, we can bury Mommy in here. It's not that important.''

However, with a death glare, Yuuji turned his head around in panic

- Wataru: NO! Jerusalem is a place that people should NOT be buried!

In confusion, Sanada stared at him like a confused puppy.

-  Sanada: Why?

With widened eyes, Yuuji almost collapsed on the floor.

- Wataru: A man was buried here, and after three days he resurrected!

Eugen's Letter
Dear Parents:



"I've been in university for three months and it took me a long time to write to them, but now I'm going to get the news up to date. Before you continue: please sit down! Do not keep reading this letter before you sit down, okay? I'm better. The fracture and cranial trauma I had after I leap out of my bedroom window in flames, when I get here, they're practically healed. I only spent two weeks in the hospital! My vision is almost normal and those terrible headaches come back only once a week. 

''As the fire was caused by my carelessness, we will have to pay $ 50,000 to the university for the damages that were caused to it. But this is nothing, the important thing is that I am alive!Luckily, the worker who works the laundry in front saw everything. He called the ambulance and told the fire department. He also went to see me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to stay-since my room had been reduced to ashes-he kindly invited me to live with him. Actually, it's a loft room, but it's very nice. It's twice my age, we're hopelessly in love and we want to get married. Although we have not set the date yet, I hope it is before my pregnancy becomes very evident. ''

''Yes, dear parents, I will be mommy! Knowing that you have always wanted to be grandparents, I am sure you will welcome the children (triplets), with the same love and affection you gave me when I was a child. The only thing that is still hindering our marriage is a small infection that my fiancée has taken and that prevents us from doing the premarital exams. I, too, by carelessness, I have become infected with Aids, but I am better off with the daily doses of penicillin I am now taking. I know he will be welcomed with open arms in our family. ''

''He is very kind and although he has not studied, he has a lot of ambition. It is not our religion, but I hope that you will be tolerant with him, and that you will never care about his skin that is a little darker than ours. I am sure he will love you as much as I do. Since he's about my age, Mom, I'm sure that you'll get along very well with him and have lots of fun together. Since the apartment where we live is very small, I plan to return home with my whole new family. His parents, too, are very good people. It seems to me that his father was a famous carpenter in the African village from which they came.''

''Now that you know everything, I must tell you that no fire has occurred, I don't have a head injury, I have not been hospitalized, I have no husband or aids, and there are no black men in my life. The truth is that I took zero in Physics, two in Mathematics and one in Biology. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than low notes."''

<p style="text-align:right;">''A kiss from your studious daughter, Eugen Katsuragi!...... :)''

Misogi's Dream


''One day, Misogi Kumagawa saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. ''

Misogi went towards him and asked.

- Misogi: Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?

His grandpa replied.

- Grandpa: Can your penis reach your asshole?

- Misogi: No.

With shock, Misogi replied but his grandpa quickly gave his answer.

- Grandpa: Then you're not old enough.

''The next day, Misogi saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked.''

- Misogi: Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?

His grandpa then asked.



- Grandpa: Can your penis reach your asshole?

Again, Misogi answered after a few seconds.

''- Misogi: No... ''

- Grandpa: Then you're not old enough.

''The next day, Misogi was eating cookies. His grandpa asked.''

- Grandpa: Can I have some of your cookies?

''In boredom, Misogi asked. ''

- Misogi: Can your penis reach your asshole?

His grandpa replied in surprise.

- Grandpa: It most certainly can!

- Misogi: Then go fuck yourself.

Chuck Norris


<p style="text-align:center;">Leohart and all demons stays in hell because they knows Chuck is around, here on earth.



<p style="text-align:center;">Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man, he's known as Mahesvara.



<p style="text-align:center;">Ara Astaroth once tried to torment Chuck Norris, now Ara has nightmares with Chuck Norris.



<p style="text-align:center;">The Devil refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."



<p style="text-align:center;">When Diabla tried to turn Chuck Norris in her slave, Diabla became his bitch.



<p style="text-align:center;">''Chuck Norris once caught the Blackness... but then he let it go.''



<p style="text-align:center;">''Chuck Norris once stared Isaac Westcott in the face... Westcott pissed his pants and the Calaclysmatic War ended.''



<p style="text-align:center;">''Petelgese actually have his own kind of TV. The show that scares him the most is called "Chuck Norris Caught On Tape".''



<p style="text-align:center;">Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War III.



<p style="text-align:center;">The Apocalypse is defined as the day Chuck Norris gets bored of the Multi-Universe.



<p style="text-align:center;">When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, KnightWalker Family surrendered and the World War III ended.



<p style="text-align:center;">Chuck Norris once drink energy soda while jumping from a plane without parachutes, when he landed on the ground, the First Spacequake happened and destroyed all Eurasia killing 150 million of people.

The Fallen's Classroom


One day, the Fallen, also known by his original name as Isaac Ray Peram Westcott, was called to give classroom to children studying at the DEM Empire's Academy, a school that has the function to teach the laws, ideologies and ways of DEM Empire.

''- Isaac: Today, children, I'm the one who will teach you all forms of government. I don't like children because recently the baby of my assistent cried all day because he wanted to play with my video game, so I sent him to the gas chamber. Let's go, look at this table.''

In this table in front of him, there were all forms of government written by Isaac himself.
 * ANARCHISM. You have two cows. You kills the two and makes a barbecue [lies from here] with ketchup.
 * True Version: ​You have two cows. You kills the two and makes a barbecue.


 * BUREAUCRACY. You have two cows. [lies from here] The government takes both, kills the two and throws the milk away and then confiscate your house.
 * True Version: You have two cows. The government takes two, kills one and throws the milk away.


 * CAPITALISM. You have two cows. You sells one, buys a bull, and the government takes the calves as a source of income high tax. Your money will fall in the hands of corrupt politicians and businessmen.
 * ​True Version: You have two cows. You sells one, buys a bull, and the government takes the calves as a source of income high tax. Your money will fall in the hands of corrupt politicians and businessmen... (true story, nothing is wrong here).


 * COMMUNISM. You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you [lies from here] 5% of the milk and censure your internet.
 * ​True Version: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you some milk.


 * DEMOCRACY. You have two cows. You sells the two to the government, moves to the city, and gets a public job [lies from here] with low salary and forced work.
 * True Version: You have two cows. You sells the two to the government, moves to the city, and gets a public job.


 * FASCISM. You have two cows. The government takes both and sells the milk [lies from here] to give you 80% of the money of the sold cows and milk.
 * True Version: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and sells the milk and then forces you to work for them without salary.


 * NAZISM. You have two cows. [lies from here] The government buys you cows and send to you all the milk.
 * True Version: You have two cows. The government kills you and takes all cows.


 * SOCIALISM. You have two cows. [lies from here] The government enslave you and takes all cows and gives the other to its neighbor.
 * True Version: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives the other to its neighbor.

Black Humor


''Many years after the end of World War III, all members of the Rogues decided to follow their path and dissolved the organization to live a normal life in a new peaceful world. 15 years later, Tomas Sev finds someone who has not seen for years, it was Lucas Kellan seated in a bar, alone.''

However, Lucas seemed to be depressed but Tomas ignored it and went towards him to be nice.

''- Tomas: Sup Lucas! It's been 15 years since we met! How are you doing?!''

With dead eyes, Lucas faced the table in front he was looking at for hours.

''- Lucas: Everything sucks! My family, my company... EVERYTHING!''



Tomas, a little confused, looked at a Ferrari right in front of the bar and knew that car belonged to him.

''- Tomas: But how, with that Ferrari?! How can you say that?''

''- Lucas: Total loss ... The insurance had just expired!''

Tomas looked forward with a forced smile.

''- Tomas: Well, okay, a car is not that thing to worry about. How's your son, that smart little boy? Kotori said you had two children with a woman.''

- Lucas: He was driving and crased in a truck, he died!



"......."

- Tomas: And your daughter?

Lucas, even more depressive, hit his face in the table.

''- Lucas: Yes, she was with her brother and died too. Their mother was the only person who was not with them at that time.''

Noticing that he found a light of hope to cheer Lucas, smiled and slapped his back.

''- Tomas: Thank God. How is she?''

"......."

- Lucas: She ran away with my worker.

The light of hope vanished and Tomas returned to his dull personality.



- Tomas: Well, at least you were alone with the company.

Lucas again, smashed his hand in the table.

''- Lucas: Totally bankrupt. I owe millions!''

- Tomas: For God's sake, Lucas, do you have something positive in your life?!

Lucas stared at Tomas with dead fish eyes.

- Lucas: I have, HIV!

Asuha's Operation
''After the battle of Aldegyr Kingdom, Asuha was severely damaged by Heis; she had at least 6 broken bones, 2 broken ribs and 1 arm broken. At that time, Asuha was lying in a large surgery room of Fraxinus, the ship owned by Ratatoskr.''

Reine Murasame, the medical officer from Ratatoskr was the one who was going to do the surgery.

''- Asuha: Reine, I'm nervous. This is my first surgery.''

- Reine: 'Don't worry! Mine too! I don't sleep for 30 years but I'll do my best!'

Nu Wa is Lazy?


One day, Nu Wa the Guardian of Heaven and Earth, the Goddess that created all humans, decided to return to Earth and decided to come dressed as a doctor!

''She looked for a place to go down. She saw, in South Africa, a health post of the PAS System of Maluf-Pitta. She observed a doctor working for many hours and dying of exhaustion.''

Nu Wa, then, entered with her doctor coat, passing the line of patients in the corridor, until she reached the doctor's office.



One of the patients saw her and told her:

- Patient 1: Look, go and change the shift!

''Nu Wa entered the room and told her colleague that he could go because she was going to the attend the patientis from there. She sat down and, all resolute, shouted...''

- Nu Wa: NEXT!

''A paraplegic man, with his wheelchair, entered the office. Nu Wa stood up, and looked at the cripple, and with the palm of her right hand upon her head, she said...''

- Nu Wa: RISE AND WALK!

''The man got up, walked and left the office pushing the wheelchair with his legs working thanks to her divine magic. When he reached the hall, the next man in the line asked him.''

- Patient 2: So, how's this new doctor?

- Cripple Man: Just like the others, she do not even examined me!

Knight in Shining Armor


''In a CIS Party where all characters were dancing, drinking and having fun, Kamina looked at the bar and saw two women drinking together. He took interest in one of them, it turned that two women were Lusamine and her drunk friend, Aryana Westcott.''

Kamina went towards them and asked Lusamine.

- Kamina: Hi, do you want to dance?

With sparkling eyes, Lusamine nodded.

- Lusamine: Yeah, sure!

- Kamina: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your pretty friend here!

In disgust, Lusamine looked towards Aryana who was almost falling from her seat.

- Lusamine: Why?...

<p style="text-align:center;"> '- Kamina: Well... She is drunk already so it'll spare me time of doing what I want to do!'

Google
In a KnightWalker Test, hundreds of people who has the ability to support the power of the Cyborg's energy are put in a classroom where the examiner will give them a test with more than 200 questions.

If this person pass on the test, they'll become a Cyborg from KnightWalker Family and serve Eckidina KnightWalker in Horsemen of John or Horsemen of Apocalypse's squads.

As the test started, a peculiar person known as Uryuu Ryuunosuke was doing his test perfectly well when a question popped out on the next page of his test.

''- Question: Was Google created by a man or woman? If possible, name this person.''

''[A. Man] - ''

''[B. Woman] - (X)''

WIthout thinking twice, Uryuu marked the B option.

- Uryuu: B, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas!

Demons Lost Their Faith


''In Hell, a Black Demon known as the Burckhardt returned after his long journey. Burckhardt went to Earth to corrupt men to bring their souls to the dark side and feed the Like of Fire with their souls but after so many centuries working on it, he decided to leave and returned to Hell to explain to the Black King why she quit.''

- Black King: So, can you tell us what really happened there?

''- Burckhardt: Well, Black King, I quit my job. In the last few centuries, humans grew up to be much more idiots than ever so I think there is no need for us, demons, go after them and bring them to this realm. They'll do by themselves. For example:''


 * Human Men in 1845: I just killed a buffalo.
 * Human Men in 1952: I just fixed the roof.
 * Human Men in 2017: I just shaved my legs.

Kyouhei's Memories
''I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. ''

So I said:

- Kyouhei: Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?

One of them snarled at me.

- Girl: It’s Wales, dumbo!

So I corrected myself.

- Kyouhei: Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?

That’s about as far as I remember...

Wooden Ball


''In a normal day inside of Manufacturing Progressive Science HQ in Paris, the mad scientist, Unit-CM 130 had just finished testing a carnivorous bacterium in a man in his laboratory. When he left his laboratory, he saw Dr. Ziggurat on the middle of the hallway, CM wondered why he was missing the whole day.''

When he looked inside of his mouth with his super vision, he got surprised with what he saw; his mouth was full of pus blisters and red marks.

- CM: Eh... Dr. Ziggurat, what happened?

Sweating and trembling, Ziggurat answered.

''- Ziggurat: T-Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.''

CM crossed his arms.

- Ziggurat: I asked "But what if I swallow the ball?"

<p style="text-align:center;"> - Ziggurat; He replied "No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else."

Omegle and Facebook


''In Tenguu City, 3 months after the destruction of Aldegyr Kingdom, Atala decided to get a job to survive in the new town. So, using her mastery in human's psychology, she went to a Job interview in a psychiatry.''

In the room, the woman asked Atala.

''- Psychiatrist: So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?''

Atala put her hands in her chest and answered.

- Atala: I’ve been on Omegle and Facebook for 5 years now.

The woman stood up and shook her hands with Atala.

- Psychiatrist: Very good, the job is yours.

Big Breasts


''Inside of Fraxinus, Shiizaki, one of Ratatoskr's crew member caught Imperia on the weight scale, shrinking her own breasts. From that point of view, it seemed that Imperia hated her new body, including her massive chest.''

- Shiizaki: Eh...

''- Imperia: No... No...''

Almost whispering, Imperia murmured to herself as she continued to try to reduce the size of her breasts with her own hands.

''- Shiizaki: That won’t help you, Imperia, you know? Breasts weigh like two soccer balls.''

With a smile, Imperia turned around and smiled at Shiizaki, who was burning in envy.

''- Imperia: Oh, it sure helps a lot! ''

Imperia turned back to the weight scale.

- Imperia: It’s the only way I can see the numbers!

This is too much Despair!
''Junko Enoshima and her sister, Mukuro Ikusaba, are out hunting in the woods when Mukuro collapses all of a sudden. She doesn’t appear to be breathing, her eyes are glazed over. Junko, in despair, pulls out her phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. ''



''- Junko: Officer! My sister is dead! What can I do?!! This is too much despair for me!''

The operator says.

''- Operator (phone): [Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure she's dead.]''

There’s a silence for some seconds, then a loud sound of a gun shot.

Junko then gets back on the phone and says.

- Junko: OK, now what?!

Who...


''Iruka Couteau, the father of Eugen Katsuragi, buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie. ''

''Eugen comes home in the afternoon. Iruka Couteau then asks her.''

- Iruka: So, you were at school today, right?

- Eugen: Yeah.

<p style="text-align:center;"> Detector: “Beep.“

- Eugen: OK, OK, I was in a cinema.

<p style="text-align:center;"> Detector: “Beep.”



- Eugen: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.

''Eugen lowered her head and closed her. With shock, Iruka widened his eyes and yelled at Eugen.''

''- Iruka: What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!! And I'm a man!''

<p style="text-align:center;"> Detector: “Beep."

Haruko Couteau, Eugen's mother and Iruka's wife, saw that and laughed.

''- Haruko: Hahaha! Well, she really is your daughter!''

<p style="text-align:center;"> Detector: “Beep.”

Lost in Mars!
''After the New World Order took over the Earth, mankind was able to buit space ships that could travel to other worlds. Not far away from Earth, the Rogues went to Mars to built their base but then a meteorite destroyed their ship and they were lost in Mars. Only Tomas, Magilou and Cassie were lost in Mars, the rest of the team stayed on Earth.''

''By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp made by Celica Arfonia. The genie turned out to be Ying, the former queen of the Valkyries. She then said she would grant each of them one wish. ''

- Tomas: I want to be back home!

- Ying: Wish granted!

Tomas then vanished and returned to Earth.

Cassie wishes the same.

- Cassie: I want to be back home too!

''- Ying: Wish granted. ''

''Caisse then vanished and returned to Earth. Now, Magilou was the last one.''

''- Magilou: It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me… Well... I want to be back h---!''

<p style="text-align:center;"> - Ying: Wish granted!

Fanatism is a Fail!


''Heis is a devout believer who trusted God to solve all her problems while praising him and helping him to spread his words to other people. One day, rained a lot at her town and her house began to be flooded. When the water was coming on her shoulders, a man passes by a canoe and says...''

- Man: Get up, I'll take you to a dry place!

However, Heis looks at him with a calm and smile and rise her hand as a signal to stop him from offering help.

- Heis: No need, brother, for I have faith in God and He will help me!

''Minutes later, the waters rose even more and Heis had to go to the roof, where she was seated waiting for God do something for her. Out of blue, a guy with a motor boat passed beside her and stopped to offer help to the young lady.''

- Helper: Get up, I'll take you to safety!

Heis again refused the help of the kind-hearted person with a gentle smile.

- Heis: No need, because I believe in Jesus, and He will help me!

''The man, with a awkward face left Heis alone as her house was being plunged by the waters. When the waters rose to Heis' neck, a firemen's helicopter appears and they call her by the megaphone.''

- Firemen: [Take the rope so we can climb you!]

Heis, stubborn as a mule, answered them.



- Heis: Thank you, but you do not waste your time, because God will save me!

''Hours later, the waters rose and destroyed Heis and her house, she could not swim and drowned, and went to Paradise. There, in the middle of a beautiful forest, she met Jesus for the first time with a sad expression.''

''- Heis: Lord, my Father, I trusted You! Why did you abandon me to die drowned?!''

God, with an awkward face, answered her with a sweat drop in his head.

''- God: How did I leave you?! I sent you a canoe, a boat and even a helicopter and you refused them!''

The Apostles of Petelgese
''Petelgese, very worried, calls his disciples to an emergency meeting, given the high consumption of drugs on Earth. After much thought, they come to the conclusion that the best thing to do to tackle the problem is to try the drugs themselves and then take appropriate action. They decide that a commission of disciples would descend into the world and collect different types of drugs.''

''The secret operation is executed and, two days later, the emissaries begin to return. Petelgese waits for them at the door of Hell, when the first disciple arrives:''



- Petelgese: Who is it?

- Paulo: Paulo.

Petelgese opens the door.

- Petelgese: What brings you, Paul?

- Paulo: Hashish from Morocco.

''- Petelgese: Very well, son. Do come in.''

<p style="text-align:center;"> 3 minutes later 



- Petelgese: Who is it?

- Marcos: Marcos.

- Petelgese: What brings you, Marcos?

- Paulo: Marijuana from Colombia.

''- Petelgese: Very well, son. ''

<p style="text-align:center;"> 3 minutes later 



- Petelgese: Who is it?

- Mateus: Mateus.

- Petelgese: What brings you, Mateus?

- Mateus: Cocaine from Bolivia.

''- Petelgese: Very well, son. Do come in.''

<p style="text-align:center;"> 3 minutes later 



- Petelgese: Who is it?

- John: John.

Petelgese opens the door and asks.

- Petelgese: And you, what brings you, John?

- John: Crack of New York.

''- Petelgese: Very well, son. Do  come in.''

<p style="text-align:center;"> 3 minutes later 



- Petelgese: Who is it?

- Lucas: Lucas.

- Petelgese: What brings you, Lucas?

- Lucas: Amsterdam Speeds.

''- Petelgese: Very well, son. Do come in.''

<p style="text-align:center;"> 3 minutes later 



- Petelgese: Who is it?

- Judas: Judas.

Petelgese opens the door.

- Petelgese: What brings you, Judas?



<p style="text-align:center;">- Judas: 'THE POLICE! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!'

Dick Lawyer


One day, King Hamdo found himself in a political problem and was blamed for corruption inside of Russia's Government.

To seek for help and advice, Hamdo visits the most intelligent and respected lawyer of the United States in his office.

Hamdo goes to the lawyer.

- Hamdo: What is your fee?

- Lawyer: 1000 US dollars for 3 questions.

Hamdo almost jumped off from the sofa he was seated.

''- Hamdo: Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?!''

- Lawyer: Yes, what is your third question?

Driver's License


''After arriving on Brazil, Jin Kisaragi went to his vacation in Rio de Janeiro. On that day, Jin was driving drunk on the street when a car of Civil Police stopped him. ''

Two police officers went towards his car and saw that his car was full of luggage.

''- Police officer 1: Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I’m going to have to take away your driver’s license.''

In shock, Jin left from the car.

''- Jin: You’re kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops! Hey... Are you two twins?''

"...................."

The two police officers looked at each other

- Police officer 2: No, why do you ask?

- Jin: Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes.

"....................."

<p style="text-align:center;"> - Police officer 2: OK that’s enough, you're coming with us.

Azul's New Job


''Some weeks ago, Azul was chosen by Lusamine as her new attendant of the main branch. In a nice day in a Sephira Gastronomics corporations, Azul Jissele answered the phone in her desk, the person on the other side of the call is Acqua of the Back who needed Lusamine's advices.''

- Acqua (phone): *Good morning, may I speak with Lusamine, please?*

Azul answers.

- Azul: Sorry sir but she is shitting on the moment.



''Acqua gets stoned and quickly turns off the call in disgust. Later, Acqua calls Lusamine in her phone and talks about her secretary.''

''- Acqua (phone): *Ma'am, today at this morning, I called to your office and your secretary told me you were shitting. This is an absurd! You're the president of the Sephira Gastronomics, a multi-national corporation and you deals with important people. Your secretary should have more education!*''

Lusamine, sweating, answers.



''- Lusamine: Thanks for your call, Acqua! I'll talk to her about this since she is new here and is very skilled. Don't worry, she'll get better soon.''

Days later, Acqua calls Lusamine's office again and the Azul answer the call while she was drinking a cup of coffee.

- Azul: Good morning, how I can help you?

- Acqua (phone): *Good morning, may I speak with Lusamine?*

- Azul: She is busy on the moment.

Acqua then smiles when he noticed Azul was more educated and her reply was very satisfactory.

- Acqua (phone): *Will it take too long?*

Azul turns around and looks at the bathroom behind her.

''- Azul: Ah... The way she is farting inside of the bathroom, yes, it will.''

Fishing


In the HQ of CIS Productions, Leohart the Prince of Hell was seated in a chair holding a bucket with a fishing wand caught in it.

After hours on the same position, one of his minions known as Blackheart saw that and got confused.

- Blackheart: What're you fishing, Master?

- Leohart: Douchebags, Blackheart.

- Blackheart: And how many you have you fished?

- Leohart: You're the fifth!

Who is the Smartest One?


''In a game to decide who is the most intelligent villain of Saga AA, the Fallen's Essence and Ara Astaroth decides to take their fight to a game of questions and answers. The Fallen's Essence, believing he is smarter, arrogantly puts a rule on the game that if Ara don't know the answer of his question, she will pay one dollar for him and if him don't know the answer of her question, he'll pay her 100 dollars.''

''- The Fallen: [Now, we shall decide who is the most intelligent! As you know, you'll pay me 1 dollar if you don't know the answers of my questions. I don't know the answers of your question, I'll pay you 100 dollars... But we know that I'm never going to pay you! Fufufufu].''

Ara, acting like a dumb girl, smiled.

- Ara: Okay!

- The Fallen: [What has 4 legs and meow?]

''- Ara: I don't know. Take 1 dollar.''



Ara puts one dollar on the table.

- The Fallen: [What has 4 legs and bark?]

''- Ara: I don't know. Take 1 dollar.''

''Ara puts one dollar on the table. The Fallen, arrogantly gives Ara a chance to win by giving her the position as the asker knowing that she has no chance against his IQ.''

- The Fallen: [You turn, ask me something].

With a smile Ara asks.

- Ara: What has 8 legs on the morning and 4 on the afternoon?

The Fallen thought for more than 1 hour and facepalm himself after he gave up.

''- The Fallen: [I don't know... Take 100 dollars].''

The Fallen felt like trash for not knowing such question.

- The Fallen: [So what is it then?!]

Ara with a dumb smile, answer.

<p style="text-align:center;"> - Ara: I don't know, take 1 dollar!

Sin


Inside of Fraxinus, Ratatoskr's secret space ship, Asuha was lying on the sofa of one of the many rooms located in the ship.

Since Asuha became a member of Ratatoskr and the Rogues, she had used this room as her own "house", much for Kotori's fury.

''One day, all members of the Rogues and crew of Fraxinus were working to repair their ship after it was severely damaged by the invasion force of the KnightWalker Family that launched an assault against the ship. Asuha, however, was on the same room, watching videos on Youtube while the rest of the crew was working.''

''When Shigure entered in the room, dirty, sweat and tired, she spotted a lazy Asuha on the sofa. She angrily yelled at Asuha.''

''- Shigure: So, while the rest of us are working, you're here doing nothing! Do you know that laziness is one the deadly seven sins?!''

Asuha slowly turned around and answered.

- Asuha: Envy is a sin toon.

Are You Blind?!


In a beautiful day on the streets of Godom Empire, Aryana Westcott was walking through the streets to study the culture of the earthlings, however, no matter how she saw humans from Earth, they're inferior and wanted to blow up that planet.

''As she walking, a very small and ugly girlran towards her and grabbed her skirt. Aryana turned around only to see the girl's face, much for her disgust.''

''- Girl: Please, beautiful woman! I need a coin!''

''Aryana, distrustful, asks the girl with a sigh. However, she firstly removed her hands from her skirt.''

- Aryana: Why do you want a coin?

- Girl: To give to that poor blind man over there!

The girl points an old man with black glasses, seated in a public seat on the other side of the street.



- Girl: He said: "For the love of God, my beautiful child, give me a coin!"

With shock, Aryana's eyes widened and started to sweat.

- Aryana: He said "beautiful child"?

The girl let out a sad smile and answered.

- Girl: Yes!

Before the girl could finish her word, Aryana had already a coin in her hands and gave it to the girl.

- Aryana: 'Take it then! He must be really blind!'

Super Memory


''In the town of Manaus, located in Amazonas, Brazil, there was a very beautiful woman that was very famous for her super memory. Many people thought she was a some type of dark indian because of her clothes. Many people call her as the Morrigan.''

One day, the delegate of the Policia Civil do Rio de Janeiro, Felix Drake, saw that woman in a park and approached her.

- Felix: What did you eat on your breakfast on the morning of December 12, 1993?

- Morrigan: Bacon...

''As she was accepting only one question per person, Felix left with nothing but suspicion in his mind. 20 years later, in 2036, Felix Drake, walking on the streets of Manaus saw the Morrigan on the same place where she was 20 years ago. ''

In shock that her appearance don't changed, he asked to himself.

- Felix: BUT HOW Y---!

- Morrigan: ...with eggs!

"Oh, no!!!!"
''One night, a psychotic mercenary of Zero Numbers, Yuuki Terumi, escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years in Tenguu City and breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple sleeping in a bed, the couple turned to be Isis Maxwell and Lucas Kellan, who married in the future.''

- Isis: What the hell?!

With a loud yell, Isis awaked Lucas beside her and almost fainted when he saw Yuuki's face.

''- Yuuki: WHAT THE F*CK IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! YOU GET OUT OF THIS BED!''

''Yuuki orders Lucas out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, Lucas whispers over to his wife in the bed.''

''- Lucas: Listen,  Isis this guy is an escaped convict! Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years! I saw how he kissed your neck! If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you! Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you! This guy is obviously very dangerous! If he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong, honey! I love you!''

".......!!"



Isis got extremely disappointed with the cowardice of Lucas but with a sadistic grin, Isis, who tied up in the bed answers back to Lucas.

''- Isis: He wasn't kissing my neck. ''

Lucas blinked several times.

''- Lucas: I'm not talking about it! I wan--!''

Isis interrupted Lucas with the sama sarcastic smile.

''- Isis: He was whispering in my ear! He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline! I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey! I love you, too!''

"No beauty for you!"
''A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. However, in this specific accident, a known for person died too, it was Kruel Rose! Despite being an evil spirit, she still a Spirituum as is a fruit of God's work.''



''Upon arrival in heaven, the people who died in the bus were in a bridge that connects Earth and Paradise. On their way, they found God, the creator of all life smiling at them with a kind and soft smile.''

- God: Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into Paradise.

The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and tells her wish.

- Woman: I wish to be beautiful!



''God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point Kruel Rose at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and Kruel at the end laughs even louder.''

''One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder Kruel laughs. When God finally reaches her, he asks her wish.''

''- God: Oh! You're a Spirituum! What a poor girl... What is your wish my daughter?''

<p style="text-align:center;"> - Kruel: Make them all ugly again!

Catholic School


''When Katarina was a student at Raizen High School, she had religious classes with the teacher Tamae Okamine to study more about the Catholicism for mere fun but it turns out she did not really like the class and was not the best student in sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day Tamae called on her while she was napping. ''

- Tamae: Tell me, Katarina, who created the universe according to the Old Testament?

When Katarina didn't stir, Eckidina KnightWalker, who was the President of the Student Council at that time and seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

- Katarina: GOD ALMIGHTY!



''Katarina shouted with all her might as she answered that question withou thinking. Actually, she didn't even know the answer, she just said the first thing that popped out in her head.''

- Eckidina: Stay awake, little puppy.

Eckidina who was seated behind her smiled like a bully tormeting her victim and stared at her back thinking in new tricks.

- Tamae: Very good!

''Katarrina fell back asleep as Tamae walked away and continued her class. A while later the Tamae goes to Katarina again and asks.''

- Tamae: Who is our Lord and Saviour?

''But, Katarina didn't even stir from her slumber again. Once again, Eckidina came to the "rescue" and stuck her again, making her suddenly jumped off of her chair.''

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



- Katarina: JESUS CHRIST!

Katarina shouted in shock as Tamae was getting mad because of her behavior, was  

- Tamae: Very good.

''Katarina fell back to sleep when Tamae walked away with a prideful smile. Minutes later, Tamae asks Katarina the third question.''

- Tamae: Katarina, what did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?

''And again, Eckidina jabbed her with the pin to wake her up. This time Katarina jumped up and shouted with all her voice towards Eckidina.''

<p style="text-align:center;">- Katarina: IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!

Tamae and her students stared at Katarina seconds before Tamae fainted on the floor.

Deceiving Astaroth King
''Three members of the Rogues, Tomas Sev, Shigure Yukimi and Azul Jissele, were out riding in spaceship when it crashed into a mountain and the three died as a result. Before anyone knows it, the three found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Astaroth King were standing nearby. ''



- Astaroth: Ladies and gentlemen.

Astaroth King was a black and red demonic shadow while St. Peter was seemed to be very nice and honest old men wearing white clothes.

''- Astaroth: Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell.''

Azul, Tomas and Shigure immediately gasped as they did not even know what was happening at that time.

''- Tomas: HEY! WHO A--!''



''Astaroth King powered-up and unleashed a powerful blood aura around him, making Tomas and the other to agree with his terms. Shigure pushed Azul and Tomas from her way and then stepped up.''

- Azul: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT POWER?!

- Shigure: OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings!

''With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to Astaroth King. Shigure then read it and concluded it was correct. ''

- Astaroth: Then, go to Hell!



''With another snap of his finger, Shigure disappeared without time to say goodbye or even speak something. In shock Tomas and Azul could only see the paper of Shigure falling to the floor. Tomas took a deep breath and walked forward.''

- Tomas: Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!

''With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. ''

- Astaroth: Then, go to Hell!

''With another snap of his finger, Tomas disappeared in a black smoke. Azul, who was shocked at that moment, could only tremble in fear as she felt Astaroth's evil growing stronger. Azul then stood up and walked forward.''



''- Azul: Fine then! I will paly your stupid game! Fire with fire! Bring me a chair!''

''Astaroth then brought forward a chair in front of Azul and waited for her do her next trick. However, Azul only stared at the chair for a few seconds.''

- Azul: Drill 7 holes on the seat!

''Astaroth Devil did just that with teleknises. Azul then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart that left St. Peter and Astaroth King disgusted. With a confident smile that Azul was going to win, she pointed her index finger at Astaroth King, challenging him.''

- Azul: Which hole did my fart come out from?!

Astaroth King brough the chair in front of him with invisible hands and inspected the seat.

- Astaroth: The third hole from the right.

Azul giggled and mocked Astaroth King.

''- Azul: Wrong! It came out from ass!''

<p style="text-align:center;"> 'And Azul went to heaven... Fire with fire... Stupid versus stupidity'

B*nk


Toshiro entered a first-rate bank of Tokyo and went to the cashier and yelled at the clerk.

- Clerk: Can I help you?

Toshiro smashed his hand in the desk with furious eyes.

- Toshiro: I want to fu*king open an account in this fu*king bank!!

The woman who attended him almost gasped as everyone around them were staring at an angry-Toshiro



''- Clerk: Excuse me... But I do not think I understood what you said to me. Could you repeat me, please?''

Toshiro clenched fists and hit his head in the desk.

''- Toshiro: See if you hear this fu*king time! I tsaid I want to open a fu*king bank account!''

''The clerk asked for him to wait as she went to the manager to inform him of the unpleasant situation. The manager thought the clerk was not obliged to listen to such rude words. He went, along with the bank, to the cashier and asked to Toshiro.''

''- Manager: Sir, what is happening? Some problem? ''

''- Toshiro: There's no fu*king problem, damn it! I just won 58 million dollars and I want to open a damn fu*king account in this fu*king bank!''

The manager quickly shaked Toshiro's hands with a smile

- Manager: 'I understand! And this bit*h is making things difficult for you?!'

Bus


''In a beautiful night in Tenguu City, Lucas Kellan was in a bus on his way to the center to buy products for Katarina and Imperia. However, it was most because he wanted to buy a gift to his crush, Isis Maxwell from Arms Division from Chronos Empire.''

''During his trip, Lucas met nice respectable girl with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me. After some moments taking a good look at her, he noticed she had the same age of Isis and dared to ask her. ''

''- Lucas: Excuse me, little girl, do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume you're using and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my...''

Lucas blushed a little, the girl immediately noticed what he was thinking and gave him a naughty smile.

''- Girl: Oh... Your girlfriend?''

Lucas facepalm himself to hide his expression.

''- Lucas: No! It is... How I can say that...''

The girl giggled.

- Girl: It is Chanel and from Paris!



Lucas then smiled at the girl.

- Lucas: Thanks!

''Lucas and the girl then had their trip in silence. After about ten minutes later, Lucas felt a strong wind in his belly so he slowly blew it out. Some seconds later she broke out after she smelled that.''

''- Girl: Offf... what is this smell my God?!!''

Lucas looked at his belly.

- Lucas: Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California.

Mistress


The two leaders of Revelation of Qliphoth, Ara Astaroth the Empress of the cult, and Vira, the Supreme General of the cult, found themselves in the Undead Lang, a black-and-white dimension where Black Demons go after their death.

When Vira and Ara died, they met each other in the Undead Land, curious about how the hell they died at the same time.

''- Vira: Astaroth King?! What are you doing here? You died too?!''

Ara looked at her own hands and saw she was dead somehow.

''- Ara: Vira! What... What happened?''

Ara looked around and noticed she was in the Undead Land.

- Ara: We are dead?

''- Vira: It seems we are... ''

Ara let out a sigh and looked at Vira with a depressive expression, Vira embraced herself, bringing her breasts up a little.



''- Ara: So... How did you die?''

Vira put her hand in her chest with a poker face as she stared at the infinite grey land filled with dead bodies.

''- Vira: If I recall... I was frozen to death.''

Ara's eyes widened in shock as Vira put her hands in her chin to remember what really happened when she died.

''- Ara: My Devil! That seems horrible! So... How is the feeling of being frozen?''

Ara then let out a sarcastic smile towards Vira, obviously mocking her for dying in a such idiot way as demons are not suppose to die from causes of temperature.

''- Vira: In the beginning is very bad. First comes the chills, then the fingers of my hands and feet began to hurt... But then I started to feel sleepy... And then I lost my conscience. And you, how did you die?''

Ara then quickly looked at Vira and crossed her arms.

''- Ara: Me? I died from a heart attack. I was suspicious that Unit-CM 130-Zelkron, was cheating on me. After I finished my duties as Empress of Astaroth Empire, I found Zelkron working in his experiments in our house. However, I was still suspicious he hid his mistress in the house and I looked everywhere in the place, running for hours as my house is a palace as you know. After 8 hours running, I ran until the last floor of the palace using the stairs. However, on the middle of the stairs, I was already too tired and I had a heart attack for overloading my body. So... I fell on the floor and died.''



- Vira: ..........................

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Vira then rose her right hand and slapped Ara in her head like if she was bad girl being punished by her mother.

- Ara: WHAT WAS THE MEAN---!

Ara was about to kill Vira for showing such rudeness before her Queen but Vira interrupted Ara by grabbing her arms.

''- Vira: YOU RETARD! IF YOU DECIDED TO LOOK IN THE FREEZER BOTH OF US WOULD BE ALIVE NOW!''

CIS' Shopping


''In CIS-Happy town there are many shoppings and sell points where people go buy products and things for their daily life. However, no ones actually knows CIS has a racist rule where blondies are forbidden from buying things!!''

One day, the General of DEM Empire's Imperial Army, Bismarck Bodewig, decided to go buy a new TV for her house since her old ones burned as CIS' town is poor and power go and return every seconds, making eletronic equipaments be destroyed.

Entering into Info Store of the shopping, Bismarck walked towards a "TV" and stared at it, analyzing if this was the correct product (because nowadays you cannot waste money).



The saleswoman of the shop, who was the biological scientist of Sith Empire, Jeanne, approached Bismarck with a poker face, without looking at TV.

- Jeanne: .......................

".........................."

- Jeanne: Do you need something?

''Jeanne let out a lazy sigh, not showing much importance to her client. Just then, Bismarck noticed Jeanne beside her, she seemed to have... "difficulties".''

''- Bismarck: Yes, please! How much is this TV?''

Jeanne slowly narrowed her eyes and closed it before showing Bismarck a pitful expression.



- Jeanne: We don't sell for blondes.

Bismarck and Jeanne stared at each other for a long time, until the General twisted her neck to the left side as a signal of confusion as Jeanne continued with her stoic face.

- Jeanne: Do you need help?

Bismarck twisted her shoulders and closed her eyes.

- Bismarck: What do you mean "we don't sell for blondes?!

Bismarck showed her DEM Empire's card, showing her prove as an Aryan woman of Nazi's ideal race (DEM Empire is a nazi empire, what do you expect?).

''- Bismarck: I'M BISMARCK BODEWIG FROM THE IMPERIAL ARMY OF DEM EMPIRE! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THI-!''

Jeanne once again interrupted the general.



''- Jeanne: We don't sell for blondes. The rules of the factions of LOTM: Sword of Kings does not have effects in here.''

''Bismarck then left the shop running like a cat and decided to buy a Katarina-syle wig (scarlet hair) in a nearby shop. Minutes later, Bismarck entered in the shop and proceeded to go to the same spot where Jeanne was; the same place where they were.''

- Bismarck: How much is this TV?

''Bismarck pointed her finger to the "TV" she was talking about. Jeanne, once again, let out a sigh, but this time, she pointed her finger to a board to her left side that had "We don't sell for blondes".''

- Jeanne: Again, we don't sell for blondes!

''Bismarck, now confused, wondered how Jeanne knew she was blonde. With tears in her eyes, Bismarck left the shop, but this time, with a brunnete wig. Jeanne, on the same spot, waited for her as she was expecting for her to come again. And just like she thought, Bismarck returned''



- Bismarck: HOW MUCH IS THIS TV'?!

Bismarck shouted in front of Jeanne, but she kept her cool and answered coldly as always.

- Jeanne: Again, Ms. Bismarck, we don't sell for blondes.

''Bismarck, very annoyed, threw the wig on the floor and exposed her blonde hair. At the same time, she yelled angrily at Jeanne.''

''- Bismarck: HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW I'M BLONDE! THAT MAKES NO SENSE!''

Jeanne, pointed her finger to the "TV" with an angry expression.

- Jeanne: 'It's because this is not a television! It's goddamn microwave!'

Heart


''Even in DEM Empire, Abyssals are obliged to study medicine to they can be experts in differents areas in Black Blood organization. In one of the many classes of the Black Blood organization, Eve Fullbuster was watching the class of Black Diamond with enthusiasm.''

''- Diamond: So, everyone... What someone should do when someone feel pain in their hearts?''

Eve stood up and talked.

- Eve: Turn off the lights!

Diamond shocked with her answer, threw a brush at her head.

''- Diamond: The hell?! Are you crazy?! Turn off the lights?!''

Eve cleaned her head and continued with a smile.

''- Eve: Well, teacher... You never heard about that what our eyes don't see, the heart don't feel?!''

Lyrics
What if at that intersection, everyone held skipped about? What if in the centre of that town, everyone held hands and look up at the sky? What if, somewhere in that town, we took chances to see what happens? It's surely too early to cry; we just have to keep going forward, yeah, yeah!

Clap your hands*! Let it out, if you did so it would be good, eh? If you didn't do so at all, it would seem so dull. Put on your headphones, and ride on the rhythms I'll open up ways on my path!

Clap your hands! So many different things are going forward. "Badum, badum"-I can hear your feelings beat steadily! To throw things away left and right-who's a bad child then? Yes, yes, you're a good child-aah, you make me happy!

Everyday clap! Every time is clap(ping time)! I want to ride on a merry-go-round! Everyday clap! Every time is clap(ping time)! Even though it may seem useless...

Pon pon, way way way Pon pon way pon way pon pon Way, way, pon pon pon Way way pon way pon way way!

Pon pon, way way way Pon pon way pon way pon pon Way, way, pon pon pon Way way pon way pon way way!

What if at that intersection, everyone held skipped about? What if in the centre of that town, everyone held hands and look up at the sky? What if, somewhere in that town, we took chances to see what happens? It's surely too early to cry; we just have to keep going forward, yeah, yeah!

Clap your hands! So many different things are going forward. "Badum, badum"-I can hear your feelings beat steadily! To throw things away left and right-who's a bad child then? Yes, yes, you're a good child-aah, you make me happy!

Clap your hands! So many different things are going forward. "Badum, badum"-I can hear your feelings beat steadily! To throw things away left and right-who's a bad child then? Yes, yes, you're a good child-aah, you make me happy!

Everyday clap! Every time is clap(ping time)! I want to ride on a merry-go-round! Everyday clap! Every time is clap(ping time)! Even though it may seem useless...

Pon pon, way way way Pon pon way pon way pon pon Way, way, pon pon pon Way way pon way pon way way!

Pon pon, way way way Pon pon way pon way pon pon Way, way, pon pon pon Way way pon way pon way way!

Pon pon, way way way Pon pon way pon way pon pon Way, way, pon pon pon Way way pon way pon way way!

Pon pon, way way way Pon pon way pon way pon pon Way, way, pon pon pon Way way pon way pon way way!

Afterwords

 * Prime: It's been a long time since CIS made a MAD Volume! This was made especially after the introduction of Unit-CM 130 Sub Arc that turned the story darker than before! I wish you all a nice day! We never thought that this story could grow so famous like this! Thank you all!