LOTM: Sword of Kings Crack

' CIS Productions Presents...  LOTM: Sword of Kings Special Episode'

 Episode 00,1 - None

  Recommended by Lucas Viera 

Penguin: If you ever wanna see your friends again, count to 10! ​

Eckidina: 1,3,5,7,9

Penguin: 'HOW ABOUT THE EVEN NUMBERS!?

''Eckidina: I can't even! *tear*''

 TV Static

Katarina: ''You have a big house. I like that.''

''Dracula: You young. I like that.''

Katarina: ''There is bodygyards. I like that.''

''Dracula: You pretty sexy. I like that.''

 TV Static



''Isaac Westcott: Hello, allow us to introduce ourselves. My name is Isaac, and we're a traveling improv nazi group. Here, let me give you a demonstration, my men and droids shall play group of drunken  nazi sailors, and you're a bunch of baby seals. And go. (Battle Droid shots two kid) And scene!''

 TV Static



''Misogi: Karma! Hurry up! Double time! Kano really screwed the pooch on this one!''

Kano: General Misogi, Azul's really giving us a pounding!

''Misogi: I'm coming Karma! Quick, grab my Balls!''

 TV Static



''Elliot: Yancha!? You left Yancha here!?''

Karen: Well, I thought he could handle it.

Elliot: Yancha couldn't handle a shot of Raspberry Schnaps, much less DEM!

 TV Static



''Hades: I'm curious. Where exactly are you from.''

Sephiria: We are fro-

''La Folia: Sephiria! NO!''

''Sephiria: Oh yeah... my bad... I almost''

Katarina: We are from Earth

''Sephiria: Katarina! WHY!''

Katarina: Because I don't give a f*ck.

''Hades: Oh, good. I'll stop by there on the way home; pick up some space eggs, some space milk and BLOW IT THE F*CK UP! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm usually far more composed. I'm just a little bit absolutely livid.''

TV Static

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General Grievous: TX-20, we can park anywhere we want!

TX-20: Now, General, if this is anything like that jock strap incident, we don't want to be boxed in.

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Bosk: Racist!

''Prime Reaper AI-78: Well, maybe so, because I'm this nazi group. But I can't quite be a racist against a race that doesn't exist. Like the Twistks. Dirty money-grubbing Twistks. Tried to twist me right out of my money. Blew those little bastards up is what I did.''

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'Jack the Freezer: I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the space boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way in, because everybody's inbred and LOOKS THE F*CKING SAME! Not to mention I lost TX 20 and R2 D2, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his  girlfriend  boyfriend, WHO, I AM CONVINCED, IS NAMED CHUCK!!'

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The Fallen: Believe me.

''La Folia: NEVER! YOU FUCKING NAZI MONSTER! ONCE I GET FREE I'LL KILL YOU AND PUT AN END TO THIS RUTHLESS DEM EMPIRE!''

''The Fallen: [Well, alright. I'll tell you why I let you and the others live. And why I need you as my Abyssal, my servant.]''

Fallen speaks in the ear of La Folia

The Fallen: *[Pssst, psssst]*

La Folia': 'What? Sorry, I didn't catch that.''

''The Fallen: *troll grin* [Like I said]... '*'Pssst, psssst, pssst, psssst, psssst*

La Folia: U-ummm sorry... I can hear you, but all you saying is "psst, psst, psst*. Could tell me properly---?

The Fallen: [Did you know Katarina is actually ****************?]

''La Folia:...... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''

The Fallen: [Oh my~]

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Azul: You drunk.

Atala: You sexy

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Mina: When I grow up, I'll go to the moon.

''Frieza: What! Wait *punch Mine at the sky*''

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Fallen Angel: Lord Leohart!

Leohart: Hmm?

''Fallen Angel: Darth Hades He has been... killed!''

''Leohart: Oh, is that right? And who Sauza killed him?''

''Fallen Angel: It was a... ExKrieg!''

Leohart: Well, I sure hope somebody picks up that phone.

Fallen Angel: The what?

''Leohart: Because I f**king called it! ''

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Katarina: So, you return once again, Echidna.

Mana: Eckidina.

Katarina: Eckidina.

Eckidina: Yes, I have returned, dumbass.

Katarina: Katarina.

Eckidina: Dumbass.

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Ultron: I let your pc on with your porn folders open.

Hans: I WILL F*CKING MURDER YOU!

Ultron: Whatever.

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Katarina: You killed my sister in front of me and yet you think are badass.

''Aki Honda: I ain't choose thug life. Thug life choose me.''

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Takao: STOP THAT!

''Lara: Why? We just started The Attack of The Boobs.''

Pres: Surprise motherf*cker!

Pres pressed the bento against Takao's boobs and hits the core of the planet.

*Planets Explodes*

<p style="text-align:center;"> Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away from there 

<p style="text-align:center;"> Deus.Ex.Machina Industries Empire's IC 

The Fallen watches the explosion.

The Fallen: [Adolf Hitler would be proud.]

Ellen: Fucking big boobs...

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''Griffith: Hi, maggots. I'm working with you from now on. I'm terrifying and a potential rapist. But I'll never say it flat-out.''

''Juria & Makarov: What the f*uck? ''

Eckidina: Who called this guy to the KnightWalker Family?

Juria: YOU! You was the one who wanted to see the women being raped at the Slum!

Atala: No comments.

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''Adolf Hilter: Enough with nazi jokes. They make me fuhrerious. Try it.''

''The Fallen: [Enough with DEM jokes. They make me Fallrious. That's horrible! Why can't I be just like you?!]''

Adolf Hilter: Real life always wins.

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''Dodoria: I have a thick...meaty...vagina. [to Shido]''

Frieza: ..........

Kurata: By the way, she [Dodoria] is a girl.

Frieza: Oh hell no...

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Jacobo: Well, I could have gotten here sooner, but I stopped on my way to plow YOUR mother!

Misogi: He was a transvestite.

Jacobo:.........

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''Pineapple: Lord Brainiac! The DEM vital sensors in the blasters of the two scouts you just sent...''

''Brainiac: Shshshshshshsh... Continue.''

''Pineapple: ...have ceased transmission. We believe they’re dead!''

''Brainiac: *gasp* Outrageous! In honor of their deaths, my men shall now and forevermore be given the names of fruits! Pineapple! Bring us to Coruscant!''

Pineapple: So, am I Pineapple?

Brainiac: Yes!

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''Katarina: Hey! You! What year is it?''

Cupa: 200.325.268.203 according to the calender of Minecraftia.

Katarina: B.C. or A.D?

Cupa: The hell are those?

Katarina: I’m in the f***ing past.

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The Fallen: Please don’t break my butt.

ExKrieg: Okay.

The Fallen: Truly?

ExKrieg: No.

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Palpatine: We are looking for the man who assassinated two emissaries from the Deus.Ex.Machina Industries Empire.

Super Battle Droid: You mean the violent savior?

''Primitive: All hail the violent savior! (all primitives start signing)''

''Palpatine: No! None of that! Shame on you! I wish to meet this man so that I may reward him.''

Commander Battle Droid: I thought you said you wanted to arrest him.

''Palpatine: I CHANGE MY MIND A LOT! Kill them!''

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Ahsoka: I'm going to break you.

''William Stryker: What? (Ahsoka crushes Willaim's hand) Aaah!''

Ahsoka: Like a Kit-Kat bar.

William Stryker: (small pause) What?

(Ahsoka punches William in the face, sending him flying)

William: (thinking) WHAT?!

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''Katarina: Release Rentaro!! Jesus-chan!!''

Yan-chan: Like I said my name is Yandere-chan!

Rentaro: The author changed your name to Jesus-chan.

''Jesus-chan: What's the point in change my name to Jesus-chan!!? ''

CIS: Because we own you, bitch.

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Eugen was lying down in her bed when La Folia entered in the room and saw scars in her butt.

''La Folia: Where did you get those? ''

Eugen: Er..Umm eh......Shaving...

''La Folia: You shave your ass? ''

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<p style="text-align:center;">LOTM: Sword of Kings Studios's mic is activated

''DestroyerSubjugator90: I don't have cameras in your room but I heard what you guys said! I want to see that shaved ass right now!!!''

All LOTM: Sword of Kings character heard that.

Bismarck: What in the actually living f*ck!

''Yato: Who shave the ass? ''

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<p style="text-align:center;">DEM Empire's Recruiting Central

Midway Princess: Eve!!!

''Eve Fullbuster: What? ''

''Midway Princess: I'm a new Abyssal working to DEM Industries. My name is Mildway Princess.''

Eve Fullbuster: So?

Midway Princess: You pretty, like if you were a guy I like you dummy.

Eve Fullbuster: Aham....

...................

Midway Princess: I'm your roommate!

''Eve Fullbuster:....... I wanna kill people....''

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<p style="text-align:center;"> DEM's Restaurant 

Midway Princess': 'You eat like a guy.

Eve Fullbuster: ................

''Midway Princess: Has ever anyone told your eyes are pretty? ''

Eve Fullbuster: Eat your food!

Midway Princess: I'm your roommate.

*slap*

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''Jesus-chan: Azul! Atala!''

Atala: Jesus-chan!

''Jesus-chan: Call me Yan-chan. Like in the original show. Please...''

''Azul: No. She doesn't deserve a gross name. - Evil grin''

Jesus-chan: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.................

''Jesus-chan: I just realized I don't like Azul. And if I'm really Jesus, I curse you with  diarrhea  and you will be a lesbian by the end of the night!''

Azul: Blow me.

Jesus-chan: IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING!

Azul: Bitch.

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Sith Teacher: Why are you late, Frank?

Darth Jadus: Because of the sign.

Sith Teacher: What sign?

Darth Jadus: The one that says “School Ahead, Go Slow”.

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''Azrael: I couldn't even follow that attack. It was almost instantaneous.''

Simon: Yep, just gonna stand here and keep bein' badass.

Katarina: There's nothing we can do against that kind of power.

''Simon: Uh, hello, dumbass? Badass. Right here.''

Mira: We're all gonna die!

...................

''Simon: You know what? All of you better duck. Because I'm about to turn left, and I don't wanna smack you with my dick.''

''The Fallen: [Oh look at you, Simon, you're really going to fight me? Well, not really fight, more like flailing angrily. Don't waste your time.]''

''Simon: Make your jokes while you can, Fallen! because I can now see the peak of your power! While I'm only beginning to tap into mine!''

''The Fallen: I feel like we been here before. Have we been here before?''

Simon: You see I've have finally realized the legend!

''The Fallen: [Oh my Fallen! This is happening again!]''

''Simon: That's right! You're not dealing with the ordinary ExKrieg warrior anymore, Abyssal! I, the great Simon, have finally become...The Legendary Abyssal Punisher!''

.....................................

''The Fallen: [Now, seriously. First off, Abyssal Punisher, what is that? What even is that? I'll tell you what it is. It's just some stupid legend passed by your filthy red haired monkey ancestors around a camp fire like it was their own dung! Let me tell you Simon and Katarina, I don't believe in legends, I believe in facts. And here's a fact: by the end of this, you are going to be crying like a little...bitch!]''

.....................

Simon: Bitch, you just jealous of my Super Saiyan swagger!

The Fallen: [Oh for f**k's sake.]

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Katarina: If my luck was food for ghosts, they would starve.

Moloch: Forget your lack of luck, your luck itself killed me.

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<p style="text-align:center;"> LOTM: Sword of Kings Studios 

<p style="text-align:center;"> Azul's room 

<p style="text-align:center;"> 00:45 AM 

Azul was sleeping in her bed when her stomach began to ache.

'Azul: I-I N-NEED TO G-GO TO BATHROOM! THAT HUR-TS! My stomach!.... Ehhhhhhh!!!'

<p style="text-align:center;">Meanwhile outside of the window

Jesus-chan: 'GODDAMN! I REALLY AM JESUS!'

<p style="text-align:center;"> The End